it's been along time now

[itsy]

I am divorced from my H now. There was no way to stop it. I could forgive him for it all and there was alot. You can find posts to update if you want too.
I have not been on the boards for a very long time. I am moving on in my life. I bought a new condo yesteday and will move sometime in December. I am making new friends at work. I stopped by a karate studio where I plan to take up karate. Something I always wanted to do. I have moved on in my life and it feels really good somedays. There are still other days that I fall apart. But you pick yourself up and keep making baby steps day by day. We had a nice conversation this afternoon about lunch time. I wished him happy thanksgiving and explained alot of things that have been going on. Brought him up to date.


Why I am writing now is because I had conversation and telephone contact with H this evening. He wrote me a email. It was about the alimony, how he was going to pay it and it pissed me off really big time.
He doesn't have the right to tell me how he is going to pay after we decided on how in the first place in the seperation papers. I was so mad that I telephoned him. We got in to it, fighting and he hung up I continued to beep him and left a very very mean message on his girlfriends phone as well at his office. I told him that I wasn't done with him and that I would fight this battle to the end. That
I loathed his parents to the fullest. I really hate his parents because if they say that this begins in their childhood then I really hold his parents to blame. They have 5 highly dysfuntional children. It's unbelieveable at times how they f 'ked up these people lives. I hold them at complete fault.
I told him that I was going after his mom....I meant verbally. That I hold his parents accountable for the way he is now.
That they did not treat him well as a youngster and as a adult. I tried to explain that last year at his birthday party when he verbalized his feelings to his mom and dad and what they said to him. They told him don't be silly. Don't be ridiculous. His fahter just slapped his knee and laughed. I was so mad I could't see straight. I wanted to stand up and fire away at them with what they had just done. My husband tried to defend himself and still they didn't hear him. I was livid!!!
I never said anything. Tonight I tried to tell him what they did. He doesn't remember at all. It is sad. He was the good silent son and still is. He lets them use him and take his money. I despise them both for what they have done.
I wonder at times if he out of the tunnel and has moved on.
I think at times he is still in the tunnels and will never get out. That is something that I will not handle well because he deserves to be happy and at peace from all this MLC
He told my daughter several weeks ago that she didn't have to marry for money......I felt that was a direct hit on me. I didn't know that I had. WE were dead broke when we got married,,, didn't even have dishes or furniture, nothing...We never had alot of assets or free cash flow. I bought more than 3/4 of the furniture and accesorries for this house. I worked all the time that we were married, took care of three children, house and yard. Just me day in and day out. I never had honey do's. I always cooked from scatch. We ate out later in the kids lives because they were sometimes not here. But I truly did all except the monthly bills and even that he wanted me to do. I never said that he couldn't play sports. He is very much the atheltic and played softball all summer two nights a week and every weekend for 15 years then he took up golf.
I never bithced about the golf but did about the softball because it really took him away from the "family". But that was hopeless he never stopped.
Tonight I tried to explain the correlation between his parents and him and it did not work. Maybe someday he will see it. I can only hope...
I still need to know at times if he is still in MLC or not... He still has a girlfriend I think that is what she is
he wasn't with her tonight or he would never have called me back...3 times after I reamed him out, and he listened the voice messages they were really bad he still called. If he is still in then I think he might have gone back to anger. He doesn't like me I can sense it and I remember the anger stage very well...
He might be in the tunnels dealing with the issues but I doubt it because he said that he did not see it ( the correlation between him and his awful parents.) One day I hope that he sees it so he can move forward to a life that he deserves... one of peace and happiness...something that I want for him.

Well, I have vented this evening and wish that someone could tell me where he is at now... is he over or still in there..I think that he is still in there.. I hope that it is over soon for him.

ITSY