This place for me has been a blessing from God and I am sooo very Thankful for it. I do truly believe that you all here plus alot of sweat and tears of my own have gotten me to this point and I am so proud to be a part of this online communiity that we all share.

My H and son are now in Mexico and I am strangely calm about it all. I was sooo scared just a few weeks back and I was feeling so much like I needed my H to know and then he could help me with it and yet I never mentioned it.

I feel as though maybe everything will be ok and yet I do not know for sure. I am well aware that the OW is most likely in the same city in Mexico and she will most likely be stopping by to visit my SIL as they are very good friends and it is Christmas.
Yet I realize me stressing and getting worked up and assuming the worst will only hurt me. I can only hope and have faith that my h will do the right thing and he will be loyal to me. And his heart will be in the right place. The terrified feling is all but gone,, sure it will hurt to know he saw her or they talked but what can I do ?

I need to focus on my happiness and being the best me that I can be and just allow myself to feel Happy. I can not predict the future so I need to just have faith in God and pray for my calmness to stay with me and that I will feel this way throughout his stay in Mexico.
I am just hoping that I am not being a fool by having faith in him. I have done this before as he works out of State very often and he has let me down and now it just feels different . I just can not explain why.

He seems to have a problem with his self worth and tries to get others to fill the void mainly Women. It is sad really cause it does not just affect him it affects me as well. Him trying to fill up his self esteem with loose Women just makes my self esteem plummet but if he would fail me again I do feel I have grown enough to know that it is all about him and not me,, if he needs x, y or z from now on I have tried to make him understand that he just needs to voice it . Just the other day when he was taking to me I told him instead of getting angry and not really saying what you fel or assuming when I do x, y or z it means x, y or z talk to me about it and I will help you understand me better. It will help our R tremendously and he agreed.

He still has the tattoo and now he has had it for @ 6 months and he was "deeply" in love with "OW" for @ 9-10 weeks. And yes he has tried to cover it a couple of times but schedules of the tatto artist we know and his woulld always conflict and yet he seemed in no rush to take care of this painful reminder and yet why do I place so much hurt with this Tattoo he has above his heart? I dunno it just hurts,,,,, he did call me one time from work and say please call him and see if I can get in today and I had NO LUCK,, I just want it to be gone cause sure maybe it is selfish of me but then again,,, it just reminds me of all the pain and I allow myself to feel ugly and I am not I am a worthwhile Woman. I do not want to forrce him to remove it but to me it just seems like he keeps it to hold on to her,,, I dunno.

I am Happy and I feel good but when he came home after being gone for 2 weeks last weekend evrything was great and then wham he takes of his shirt in front of mme and all of a sudden it was like in the movies when the record scratches and I was taken back and I felt so stupid,ugly, hurt, worthless, foolish and worthless AGAIN and I had honestly forgotten about it and I was fine and then I started to feel sorry for myself and ruined about an hour of time , we had an arguement and he said that I place to much importance on it.


I am well my life is blessed and I guess the Tattoo is actually the way I discovered the truth and then I wished him well with her and he could not lead his sort of double life anymore, that I would not be the OW when in fact I was still his Wife. I told him that is far too painful,,, so I wish you every Happiness life has in store for the both of you. That is when the very next day ( after I confronted him about the tattoo ) he suddenly called me more and little by little he let her go and came back,, So now am I to look at this ugly stain on his Beautiful skin as blessing from God and that way he had to confront himself and follow his true feelings? I dunno?????
God bless...