I guess I used to be a bit like your H about giving directions or getting directions. I also acted a little like that when trying to explain to STBXW how to turn off the water at home or re-light the pilot when I was not there.
From my perspective (this is not justifying it - just giving perspective) - I knew exactly what I needed to do either get somewhere or to turn off the main water supply or to re-light the pilot. So to me - these tasks were considered very easy to do, easy to understand.
Problem is, they weren't easy to my STBXW. I didn't take her knowledge of the topic into consideration and assumed she knew how to do this as well as I did - when she had no idea how to do what I was trying to explain - frustration ensued.
Why did this happen? Because I didn't take STBXW into consideration when I was trying to explain the directions. I forgot that there are probably lots of things she does that if she tried to explain - I couldn't do well either. So while I can understand where your H is coming from on a frustration level - it was inappropriate when I did it, and it is inappropriate when your H does it too.
We teach people how we want to be treated. While we can't "train" them overnight - they can be taught how to treat us respectfully. But not engaging in a fight or gettin upset - this was a good first step. I might recommend asking your H to speak with you more calmly or you will ask him to wait until he is more calm and then have him call you back.
I hate to say it, but it is like the samething with kids. Setting boundaries and being sure that there are consequences if the boundaries are crossed.
You sound like you did very good. Keep creating the experience you want in the M - and you'll get it.
