Quote: Can I trust this love and can I trust this Newfound Happiness? I hope so.
I think right now your answer is yes, but you have reservations. Who wouldn't? You have every right to wonder if this is going to last. You've been hurt and utimately what it will take for this to subside is that this newfound happiness continues to happen - for some time. The answer is - it will take time...
Quote: I do want to be happy and just let go and yet I a terrified he will let me down and just walk away again.. do I share with him when he comes home before he leaves for Mexico like he said he would that I am soooooooooooo terrified of losing him or do I keep my fear to myself? I was @ to tell him the other day but he was being sooooo loving that I knew I would just ruin it by saying anything,, so I kept it to myself.
Our minds are wonderful things capable of stuff yet that we don't even know. But they can also play tricks on us. You have the skills, the tools, and the talent to focus on the things in your R/M that work - and work for the postive. Trust in yourself and what you have learned over this time. Don't lose yourself or define your happiness solely on the happiness of your M. Being happy, being confident, being the best Ali you can be for you - these are the things that have drawn your H back to you. He did not do the work you have done. Of course, it took effort by him in order to piece your M back together. But he has only scratched the surface on himself. The reason he is changing his behaviors in the R/M is because of you. You have created a wave of positive change in your M because of what you have done. Be proud of this. Let this settle your mind just a little.
It is natural to feel scared sometimes. I read that often for infidelity - this happens alot. This is where your H needs to reassure you. But I think (IMO) if you tell him your worried - it will remind him of the pain he caused you and the PA. His natural defense mechanisms may come up and it may result in you feeling worse. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. So when he is around and you are feeling insecure or scared - just give him a great big wrap around hug!
Continue to make life beautiful Ali. Your story is a wonderful one. I wish you, your H, and your family more growth together in the future.
