Quote: MY SON IS MY LITTLE ANGEL FROM GOD JUST WHEN HE SMILES THE ROOM LIGHTS UP AND YOU KNOW IF YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN his little face when he said he wants to go to Mexico just so he can fish with his Dad and his Grandpa,, he made my heart melt.
OK, now you made me cry. My three boys and I love to hunt and fish together. My W get's a little jealous about it but she understands how good it is for us. They just love being out with their dad. The first hunt we ever went on we sat in the 105 degree heat for three hours and saw NOTHING!. After the second hour I was sure they'd never want to go again, and just about then my S11 looks up at me, gun in hand, and says "Dad, this is the best day ever!" There's not a day goes by that at least one of those kid's is asking me when we're going hunting next. Any Dad that can't get their kid's to do things together with them needs to try hunting or fishing. There's nothing better and I've tried lots of things.
Quote: And you know what Christmas is my Favorite time of year and after all I am very spritual and pray alot ever since I was a little girl,, and then my Birthday is three days later,, so yes a BIG GIANT OUCH....
Well maybe you could celebrate Christmas early or late, same with your BDay. Afterall, we're really supposed to celebrate Christmas every day, and the true gift is love. December 25th is only a symbol, and the day before all the sales start.
Quote: and you know I wouldnt mind it so much it it was not her NAME,,,As much as I have tried to keep my Ego out of this I must admit it does hurt but you are right let go and let GOD
I can totally see how that would hurt. A constant reminder of the worst pain of your life. But, it's only ink, and think about how stupid your H must feel about it. What if you'd have had an affair with a big stupid guy, whom you loath today but you thought was God's gift a year ago, and you have his named tattoed on your hiny. Think about how dumb you'd feel. A little sympathy might go a long ways there.
You'll have a great Christmas and BDay if you make it that way.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I agree with COG, if your son wants to go I'd let him. I think it's a great chance for some father/son bonding and some quality time with relatives.
Just hang in there with all the other stuff. Eventually that tatoo will come off. My husband would probably procrastinate and be lazy about something like that. I don't think it's because of there's emotion tied to it, it's just one of those hassles he'll eventually get to.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I agree with COG, if your son wants to go I'd let him. I think it's a great chance for some father/son bonding and some quality time with relatives.
Just hang in there with all the other stuff. Eventually that tatoo will come off. My husband's would probably procrastinate and be lazy about something like that too. I don't think it's because of there's emotion tied to it, it's just one of those hassles he'll eventually get to.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thank you all for being here for me, I really do feel so blessed. And you know I am going to have a very Merry Christmas my H and my little boy will be far away I will miss them terribly , but I will make o my best to be Happy.I am already playing Christmas music,, I LOVE to listen to Christmas music , when I was little my Mother was not into the Christmas Spirit and when I would visit my childood friend her Mom would always have on Christmas music and it felt so nice to be at their house,, all my kids enjoy listening to Christmas Music also.I just bought the Sarah Mclachlan Christmas cd at Starbucks,,, I am going to have a very, very, Merry Christmas and I will be 36 this year and I have gone thru soo much this year that when Christmas comes to remind me of my blessings even more . I will remember all that I am and all that I can still become and I will thank God for everything.
I hope to be able to be a much better Human Being in 2007. I feel very proud of who I have become, of allowing myself to be happy, of allowing myself to use the voice that for so long I kept quiet.I am proud of me,,,
I also need to once again say thank you to you all here for being so supportive it really does mean so much to me.
For a long time like I have said before I was waiting for my h to change and evreything I did was justified ( screaming , being angry, crying and just plain after while shutting down and being a shell of who I really am)cause he was being this way or that way and now I know I was completely wrong and I Thank God for giving me a second chance to live beside the man I really do love and want to grow old with,, no I do not need him to live but having him by my side is such a blessing even thru all the ups and downs he owns my heart and I love him and have learned so much. I am not Thankful for the Suffering but I see now that I needed to fal flat on my face and he needed to do the same to see that what we have is truly amazing and worth every bit of pain and fighting for until the day we are no longer here. Love is such a gift and I have chosen to take the High road and not be vendictive or angry and it feels so good to live like this. I do still get sad occasionally but I need to work on that a little more,, last nite when MY H arrived we talked alot and I told him that you know how it is important for you for me to "show" you ILY for me it is just as important to hear the words of how you feel about me and while we were talking he just stared at me , smiled and said ILY Alixx and wow! that was really super awesome... We are learning so much more @ eachother than we have in a very long time for that I am also extremely Thankful,,,
I agree with COG about celebrating Christmas before or after together as a family. It is a special time for everyone and I think your family has special reason to come together and celebrate.
If your S wants to go with your H - let him. At some point, kids don't want to hang out with their parents anymore because we just aren't "cool enough". So because he wants to fish with his Dad and Grandpa - cool! Grandpa isn't going to be around for ever either (heck none of us know how long we will be here).
Celebrate the season Ali! You continue to do well and have worked your butt off to get there. I'm bringing some Starbucks down to the curb today - maybe even some pastries if you like. Although we might need umbrellas (or worse).
Hi all, well it has been interesting since I last posted.... to say the least. Lots to catch up on,,, Thanks for the Starbucks BTW Santhony ,, I do love going there and pastries ??? LOL I love those too, thanks for that post you made my day the other day when I peeked in to see if I had any posts.....
Well today my H is off to go work in another State he will be @ 6 hours from here... and then he will return to go to Mexico for three weeks.... I am pretty sure I will be allowing my son to go with him and just pray that he will be just fine. That will be soo hard for me cause actaully my son is realy my Gift from God and he brightens up my day so much ,, I will have to get tough and deal with it,,,, most likely extra hours in the Gym will help....
Well my H and I had a slight blow out the other day and it was re: his Tattoo....
So to make a long story short he still has it and he will have to make Appt. on his own and cover it on his own,, I have decided to not even help him with this when he asks anymore and just be..... ( unless of course he begs which I doubt will happen any time soon)
The other day he got pretty cruel and mean and said he would cover it when (translated from Spanish) his B**LS were swollen up and he was good and ready..... in essence whenever he d*mn well feels like it and I cannot tell him any different..... I did bring upon his anger by getting angry myself beforehand and telling him well it is obvious you do not want to cover it b/c you make no intentions of coming home go to the appointment. So that is when he blew up and said that ,, he also said he is ot here to please me,, if you want me to go just to plesase you ,, if i want to HAVE IT ON THERE FOREVER I WILL AND ,,, I cut him off and said
You Know you are entitled to say anything you want and feel all that about it,,, but just so you know in case you were wondering what you are saying to me is hurting my feelings ,you can keep it forever if that is what you want you are just hurting me, just in case you thought you werent. He tried to take it back by saying he has tried to go and for me to know that he will go when he is good and ready!
....so later that day he calls me and I told him that I had already cancelled the Appt.( we were supposed to go after 11 am and talk to her about it and we were supposed to also go the day before) and he asked "Now why did you go and do that?"Somebody please shoot me... So I called her back and asked if he could get in @4 pm,, she sed sure,, wel he gets here @ 2:45 pm and when 4 rolls around he does not say a Damn thing and so I went downstairs and cancelled the Appt...... I guess his B**LS were not ready... As the hours go by suddenly the Tattoo comes up and he says well that is why I got here and I was waiting for you to say something,, I said I am not going to say another word about it I told you that earlier today when you were so cruel if you do not remember so when your B**LS are good and ready and you want to go then you can go. I will no longer be a part of that,,,,
.... sorry if I sound B*tchy or cold or insert any word there but I am so tired of this and to me it just feels plain disrespectful,,,,,, COG was right his body his choice,,,, but I decided ( that day)for my own sake to draw the line that I do not have to look at it if I choose not to,, ( when he took off his shirt I turned the other way and did not look,, and when we showered together the next day I did nt face him either) plus it is on his chest and above his heart and so that makes it hurt even more or when I am on top and we are ML it kind of is hard to be sensual when her name is staring right at me.....
I know I probably am acting like an idiot and I welcome aNY COMMENTS TO HELP ME STOP FEELING AND ACTING THIS WAY. I HAVE realized that COG is sooooo right and I need to let it go and let God but maybe I am wrong here but I also feel I have the right not to have to e overyly exposed to it like it does not affect me.. As dumb s it seems I feel as though I cannot move PAST THIS AFFAIR when I have to look at her name all the time,, my Goodness he has for other Tattoos asnd none of them involve me so for him top go and do something like that meant that he felt alot for her and I know that is hwy iyt hurts more,, it is like I choose to llow myself to relive all the AFFAIR EVERY TIME I LOOK AT IT. AND YES I LAY MORE IMPORTANCE TO IT THAN HE DOES,, THE DAY AFTER I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TATTOO BACK IN JUNE HE HIMSELF SAID TO ME
I just want to tell you that the Tattoo has little importance to me and I feel you desreve to know that..... and I had not even mentioned it and in that convo he also said to me Can you be honest with me? and I sed sure @ what?
He asked " Do you think I am going to lose everything over something sooooooo stupid?" and I asked " Do you mean her?" and he replied "Well all of this.." And I said "Yes." That is why they give you 120 days here to get a D so that you can be absolutely sure that you want a D and have no doubts.." "You did not even give yourself or me that chance by going into the arms of another in a heartbeat." So " yes being honest I think you have alot to lose..." I went on to say this to him...
"I love you very much even after I found out about her that has not changed my love for you and I will teel you that you my beginning and my end and I can go out right now, we live right downtown you know and find some guy , any guy I feel like ,,find a replacement for you like you did for me but I would only be lying to myself and my heart by pretending I could love another the way I love you.." "Even though you hurt me I love you still and loving you for ten years cannot go away in a matter of weeks for me it is just not that easy for me like it was for you.."
Sorry you all, I am not ungrateful for this blessing of having my H , I love him very, very much I am just feeling alot of emotions and need to vent.
He has been very awesome with me lately aside from the dumb comments he made the other day,, he even asked me what was wrong the the nite and I sed well what you said to me earlier was very cruel ,,,if you do not remember I unfortunately do...
I know I openly brought on his anger by trying to control this whole thing and I have to truly let go and I admit I am not doing a very good job of it..... I am really trying to let go and yet I feel as though he keeps it b/c he stil cares for her and it hurts...
I know he does not care for her just today he said he doe snot kep the Tattoo cause he wants to and I need to realize that,, so why am I holdong onto this with a death grip?? He has had the Tattoo longer than their 10 week R lasted.....
When I see the tattoo these things run thru my mind.. My H saying these things to me....
1. I stayed in a Hotel with her and did not send money for my D9 Bday or talk to her for more than 2 minutes but I had time and $ for a Hotel and shopping at GNC cause I was trying to get fit for her and also giving her over 1200 dollars,,, 2.I put her before my kids. 3.I would talk to her while I was here and talked to her instead of puting the kids to bed one nite and I could not wait to talk to her. 4. I would pretend to need to go to the Gas Station to talk to her. 5. I made you ride your bike to the Pro se D office cause you had no car and file the D for me cause she was pressuring me. 6. I told her she would soon be my Wife. 7. I had hours of time to speak to her but none for my own kids,, I made you help me with my Business every day and even yelled at you like we were stil Married while she sat there looking pretty and enjoying me w/o having to do a damn thing..... 8.I asked you My soon to be XW what my email addy for my phone was for her to send me photos of her and told you it was so my Employees could contact me and I lied right to your face....
yes I could go on , AND I WILL STOP.. AND YES IT IS MY OWN H*LL I AM MAKING FOR MYSELF
I NEED TO LET IT GO ,, SO WHY IN GODS name am I holdIng on to her? SOMEBODY SLAP ME,,,, I AM FINE I AM NOT CRYING OR SAD I AM JUST SO ANGRY I DO NOT LIKE THIS AND I ALONE AM CREATING THIS ,,, HELP... God bless....
Whoa! Take it easy now girl. Check the calendar, are you maybe PMSng? Just find a nice quiet place and turn to God. He's the best medicine.
Please realize how fortunate you are to have your H at home with you, AND you have a sex life. I've got the W, but not the sex, and I'm trying to stay grateful for that. She does'nt have any tatoos, but there's an invisible wall that's seems impenatrable. Go ahead and get upset with your sitch, but also say a prayer of thanks for the good things you have.
You have every right to be disgusted, hurt, angry, etc., about the tatoo. I think maybe an appropriate 180 would be for you to let him know how much it hurts when you make love and have to see it. Describe how it feels. And here's a real tough one, tell him you can't ML with him. Tell him it just hurts too much. "H, I understand it's just ink and letters on your chest, but it just puts me out of the mood for sex. I hope you understand. I wish it was'nt that way but I still love you. Hopefully someday I'll be able to ML to you and it won't bother me seeing it. But, please be patient with me so I can work through it". Maybe if he spends a little time M in the bathroom he'll get a little more motivated to get rid of that thing. In any case, you can't hold his hand with this. It's up to him to do the right thing.
In the meantime, I suggest you go out and kick a carboard box around the yard a few times. You'll have to work something out in your own mind because even if he gets the tatoo fixed, there'll still be an image there forever. It's your heart that needs to keep the appointment with the fixer.
Now go get back on that horse.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
OK THAT FELT REALLY GOOD TO LET IT aLL OUT AND NOW I KNOW THAT I NEED TO ROLL UP MY SLEEVES AND GET TO WORK ON ME WHILE HE IS GONE FOR A BIT WORKING... funny I am not to concerned he will try to get a hold of OW while he is gone and I hope that while he is in Mexico she will stay away from his parents house but that would be a Miracle seeing as she will most likely go to see her Family in Mexico cause it is the Holidays and my SIL is her close friend but it will be up to my H to do what is right and be honarable,, when the time comes that he is there I will have to work on being strong and not beng whiny or sad.It will be up tpo me to do ehat is right and be supportive and not let my jealousy get in the way,,,,, I have had a real problem with the Green eyed Monster in the past and all with bad results obviously. Jealousy will get me nowhere so I need to work on my self esteem more and realize that no matter what ,,,I need to choose to hold onto myself thru this and I can do it but will I be ok? Will I get upset all the time wondering OMG is she there is he looking at her and is she trying to get him back, is she over there and is he drinking and is she drinking too? He did tell me that he supposedly told her that she would never ever meet his kids that they would not be a part of her.,,, why does this have to be this way,, why did he choose someone who will always sort of just be a part of his sisters life? I guess that just makes me have to work harder,, I will admit I am scared , I think @ this often, more than I care to admit. And every time I think @ her my H will say what is the matter and I say nothing,, it is my fear not one he is creating ...
.....he is actually being very loving to me lately. When we had a small talk the other day @ my need to hear ILY he said it alot more than he has for a few days and then he stopped,,,, He called me sweetie alot and baby a few times too. I know that for me in the past when he gets really nice then he seems to drop something ugly on me ,, when I get Happy and I think everything is great and let my Guard down he does something bad,, like suddenly I found out he was in an EA or a Woman calls his phone and it was supposedly for his friend etc etc,,,, Maybe I do not want to fully let her go cause then I would have to face the fear that he may do something again and I am just being a fool for believing again or just get thru this and see it is ok and just be, just be ok with him and trust him.. I wil have to work on that thought. In yhe past when he has been so sweet like this it was b/c he was hiding something and then it would come to the light or he would just suddenly burst my bubble and get ugly on me and say he was just saying what I wanted to hear. I think after everything we have been thru he has grown and yet I am so scared to just enjoy this and believe. Can I trust this love and can I trust this Newfound Happiness? I hope so. Also he called (while driving to his destination) @ 4 pm and I called him @ 6 and then he just called a bit ago just to say Hi again,, so he is being just great and I am feeling soo much right now and I am just so Happy to keep posting here and working thru my Feelings. I know I am just scared to let go cause holdong on to it allows me not to face my fear of falling flat on my face and this was al just a cruel joke,, yes I know I am just being foolish. I do want to be happy and just let go and yet I a terrified he will let me down and just walk away again.. do I share with him when he comes home before he leaves for Mexico like he said he would that I am soooooooooooo terrified of losing him or do I keep my fear to myself? I was @ to tell him the other day but he was being sooooo loving that I knew I would just ruin it by saying anything,, so I kept it to myself.
Wow I am losing my mind right mow and all by my own choice... God bless...
Alimari (((hugs))) Without sounding too much like a hypocrite I can honestly tell you that the stuff that goes on in our heads is usually worse then the reality of the situation.
I too am trying to let it go and not stress out about the stupid stuff and to really make an effort so that my mind will stop wandering.
We can't control our Husband's we can only pray that things will work out and that in time this will all just be a bad memory.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
We can't control our Husband's we can only pray that things will work out and that in time this will all just be a bad memory.
Thank you,, I sound like a crazed Woman and I appreciate your post. I hope soon it will be a bad memory,, it just seems so tangible right now,, I have to keep lettting go and be more forgiving and available to what is here and now and I feel alot of resentment creeping in. I think I feel he is being arrogant and selfish by keeping the Tattoo this long and I have been very forgiving,, maybe that is it I dunno,,,,,, I will keep working on it and hope others offer me advice if they can.. GOD bless....
