I'm at work right now, slow this minute (knocking wood). This is my 4th night in a row, and after 2 in a row I get exhausted and emotional. Not a good combination. I took my eyes off the center line and I'm looking around tonight at my scary fog, and it makes me unbelievably untethered. I've been fighting tears since about 10pm. Sucks.
Talked to H from work tonight, and during the regular conversation I just said, "I miss you a little bit" while talking about how I'm missing the kids b/c I'm sleeping all day and working so many in a row. And he said, "thank you" and nothing back. Nothing. More nothing. And can I have another helping of NOTHING, please? I didn't say anything about it, but it just sent me over the sleep-deprived, emotional EDGE tonight.
We're going to talk in another few nights, when I'm finally off for a day, and see where we are, and if we're going to go anywhere. Our money situation is going to get a temporary boost from one of H's clients for the next 4 months, so I'm curious to see if that's enough for him to feel okay about separating - if that's what he wants, etc. that we may actually have the $ for a studio apt. that we would split time in, while the kids stay here in the house. Obviously a temporary solution while the kids transition, but one we spoke of a few months ago.
And, I may be putting my cart before my horse, but I'm getting ZERO from this man where I need it most. Haven't heard ILY in...over a year, maybe? ... not ML since July.... WTF am I doing here, working myself to death?
Just venting. I am SO tired. I am so weary. I am so hungry for someone to touch me in a loving manner. So sad today.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
