The Girl With the Weight of the World in Her Hands

[believing_isaiah43]

Hi Aud, thanks for dropping in. I really appreciate a kind word right now so smooches to all who pop in to say 'hi'.

I'm working too many night shifts to compose a good post here, although I have notes I'm working on so I don't forget anything.

Did want to copy part of a GREAT post by Lights to AmyC in the Separated forum. So insightful, and relevant to me as well:

I think that while curbing our selfishness in actions (and venting here first) is an important first step in this very critical step of growing up, that the next big quantum leap is to never (or at least rarely) feel bratty feelings in the first place. This is hard work- and I am hardly there either. But the more I focus on it and try, I can see good results. For example, while I never have been an "angry" hot-tempered person- I did get far angrier at other drivers than the occasions warranted. I always thought it was very unattractive when others did so, and yet I still behaved similarly myself. Somehow, I have stamped that out. I first try to see their side of it, and realize that many times I was being almost as "jerky" as they were. Or I just calmly swerve to avoid a collision (still use the horn, but only rarely, and only to avoid a collision, not as a way to communicate to them: "ya big A-hole!") and then just let it go/don't really think about it. Another example- I was bitten badly by a dog while running in the park by my house soon after my P left. I love animals and dogs, but after that, I would get so full of rage when owners let their dogs run free despite the leash law and let them come bounding, sometimes growling, up to me. I now realize that was a rare incident, and most dogs are sweet. I also know dogs need to run around free and love it so much. I also see a need for a leash law, and realize I only have so much energy for life's battles- and this is not one I choose to engage in. Now, when dogs come bounding up to me, I smile at them and say "Hey pup" and their owners smile back. So much more pleasant and peaceful than scowling at the pup and the owner, or worse, snapping at them about the leash law.

I'm not sure how much value there is to realizing WHY I sometimes behave badly- such as interrupting people more than I should (which is almost never) because my family of origin does this to a maddening degree. I think it is far more important to just identify the bad behaviors (which you have done beautifully) and then work hard (somehow? by soulful introspection? reading? praying? practicing?) to eliminate them. I believe that by gradually eliminating angry and selfish, nonlistening, defensive, and other bad behaviors, that eventually those demons will be eradicated from our being altogether. And this is "growing up" at its ultimate finest.