The Girl With the Weight of the World in Her Hands

[believing_isaiah43]

I hope so too, but I am just desperately sad. Each day he is less "there', you know? Stopped even the little goodbye/goodnight kisses, and doesn't face me in bed. OMGosh, I had forgotten just how awful this hurts. I was jumping up and down about not having stuff from him, well, now it's been stripped completely bare and I would give anything to have the little bit that was there.

I am so frustrated with myself, so stunned that I am once again here in this scary-as-hell place. We don't see MC for another week, and all I can do here is pray and try not to cry in front of him. Ya'll know.

I do have other friends praying for us, I am just so, embarrassed, almost - to be back in this place a whole year later. One year ago next week, I flew across the country to try to stop him from talking D and stop the A from happening. It happened 2 days after I left. My God, that was a horrible time. I am ashamed that I am no further in my personal journey ONE FREAKING YEAR LATER. I feel like such a Loser for that, you know? So much has changed, but not where it matters. Just taking another lap around my personal Mt. Sinai. I pray I don't have 40 more years in the desert, the first 40 should have been enough. Shame on me.

Oh, I'm rambling. sorry. just coming apart at the seams, and stunned that I put myself here again.