Fries and gravy were a high school lunch staple, OSU!
Now, today I have been thinking (you're right,1210, I've been doing a lot of that this week) about this thing that masks as a R that I am in. I've been thinking that if I met my W today and discovered what I know about her now, would I want a R? NO WAY! When someone tells you that they are selfish, self centered, perfectionistic, uncompromising, and unable to meet others needs what would any sane guy do? Run like hell!!! My W has told me all these things, so why would I pursue this person as is? My point is that the person I am presently living with is not the person I would choose to explore a loving R with. Therefore, it makes sense to let go and allow that person to do what she will. Of course, if she ever wanted to work on her own issues and expressed a desire to work out a real adult R (you know, the give and take kind, of the real world) I would be more than willing to oblige. I think over the past year I have been bending over backwards trying too hard to make the sitch work, the results have been poor. Part of me has felt guilty that I was not the man she wanted me to be nor was I able to help her in her time of need. Of course, I now realize she didn't want me to help her and has pretty much shut me out emotionally for at least three years. As soon as she met the OP she was completely obsessed with her (and I mean obsessed!). I was trying to fill a cup with no bottom to it. Now is time for me to let go, allow the chips to fall where they may. I cannot hold on and survive anymore. If this sitch has any chance of success i must let go of her and not worry about her expectations anymore. I cannot meet them and nor does she want me to. This is all a very new feeling to me. I'm tired of analyzing my every word and action and guaging how it effects her feelings towards me and the sucessful completion of my goal, a renewed R. It's time to let go and grow up! Be me for me. Who I am is a worthy and good person, I change because I choose to change for me, NOT HER. I hope this is a new page. Time will tell.
