By all means, go with the outing...get some flowers, no, you said she didn't think they were worth it? Make it a very special night, maybe, some place you could go dancing?
1210, I’m a little leery of doing anything too romantic like flowers, dinner, dancing. I feel it might push her away. Besides our special day is Xmas eve, have you ever tried to find a place that’s open on Xmas eve? It isn’t easy! Yet, I do want to mark the occasion in some way like a nice dinner but I dunno. Last year I got her a blank card and wrote something like “for each sound there is an ear to hear it, for every view there is an eye to see it, for every love there is a heart to receive it. Thank you for the years you were able to receive love from me.” She loved it! I put it on her pillow and she came downstairs and kissed me on the forehead, nose and lips, then thanked me for the card. So, again, I’m not sure where to go with this one. Do you really think the romantic route is a wise one, right now? What do others think?
Only you can decide how well your W will receive anything, but I would try to make this year something special. If you don't want romance - then you still can do something special - what would she enjoy? What would excite her to say "Oh, my gosh" to you? A book, dinner, jewelry, movie, a dress to ballroom dance in, anything...
Just try to make it different this year...how about cooking a really nice dinner at home, wine, candles w/o any type of expectations, have the kids there as well.
I'm new to the db message board, but I was impressed with your self-talk. I think that if you listen to your own advice, and it seems that you eventually get there, that you will be on track. For instance, apolegizing is always a productive thing to do if you truly believe that you were wrong, or that what you did caused the other discomfort. You renew your energy to move on, you clear the air, and you set a great example for anyone watching. I also think that the 180's are also going to free up more of your energy by not ruminating and care-taking of your wife. Let her take care of her business as you have enough on your plate. Also, because,if that is your previous pattern, it has apparently not been aptly appreciated. Save some of that pampering energy for yourself. Keep up the great efforts. Jody S
I don't know about going overboard romantically to try and impress her. She may not be ready for that, but I think a strategically thought out, but small gift could go a long way.
You can impress them by personalizing the gift and not be so predictable. Notice what catches her eye when your in a store and make a mental note of it. A piece of jewelry, a dress or piece of clothing (hint: look in closet for her dress size), a perfume she likes, etc. It could be small and insignificant to you but she knows your thinking of her to buy her something she really wants. She'll think your reading her mind or on the same page as her and it might turn her on.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Thanks for the thoughts everybody. I appreciate your support and interest in my sitch. I've always been pretty good at the present giving thing so I'll put my mind to work here. Any more suggestions would be most welcome!
Well, today W asked if it was OK if she went away for a few days after Xmas (with OP, she purposely failed to mention that part. Smart move, I'm thinking!) . WTF!Am I supposed to say "Sure, have a great F'ing time"! What a stupid question. But, yes, I of course held my little DBing tongue and said "it's up to you". I know she isn't really asking my permission to go away with that f'ing bitch of a whore (oooh, that felt kind of good ) but only being polite in case something was planned. So I will continue to smile and be Mr. PMA. I'll treat her so good she won't be able to stop herself from feeling guilty when she's away. Yes, I hate this but I guess I have to follow what I preach now. Focus on the good. It's funny, in Canada this weekend there is a political convention to pick the new leader of one of our biggest Parties. I watched some of it (OK, pretty much all of it!) and what struck me was the way members of each camp could always find that ray of sunshine to point at. No matter how unlikely victory seemed they were always able to spin things in a way that gave hope. DBers can learn from these politicos, there is always hope and its often found in the way we look at things. It's time for me to give it a try. As many others know, it sure ain't easy thinking of your S in the sack with someone else BUT what is is!
Just a bit of an addition to my previouse post. I once said on this thread that my 9 yr old D was an expert DBer, well I've got another story! Friday night I was driving her home from her training and she used the word "despicable". Here's the conversation: Me: Wow, that's a pretty big word D9: I learned it from Miss X (teacher), she teaches me new words all the time Me: That's great I'm glad you are learning from her D9: Sure am, yesterday she said our behaviour was "despicable" and last week I learned the word "ignorant". She said we were being "rude and ignorant", I learn lots from her! I almost drove the car off the road laughing! This kid takes a situation where most people might feel hurt or angry and thinks of it as a learning experience. She's actually thankful for that learning. Yup, she's my mentor, my 9 year old. If she can do it, so can I.
I'm glad I read this post, I laughed too. My D7 is a walking sponge of knowledge, and she always asks what a new word means in order to understand what she read. We can all take a dose of wisdom from our little ones!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Yes, their wisdom is pure and isn't obstructed by all the crap that we've put into our heads. They deal with things in a most natural and healthy manner. Little mentors if we are wise enough to learn from them. Thanks for dropping by!
) but only being polite in case something was planned. So I will continue to smile and be Mr. PMA. I'll treat her so good she won't be able to stop herself from feeling guilty when she's away. Yes, I hate this but I guess I have to follow what I preach now. Focus on the good. It's funny, in Canada this weekend there is a political convention to pick the new leader of one of our biggest Parties. I watched some of it (OK, pretty much all of it!) and what struck me was the way members of each camp could always find that ray of sunshine to point at. No matter how unlikely victory seemed they were always able to spin things in a way that gave hope. DBers can learn from these politicos, there is always hope and its often found in the way we look at things. It's time for me to give it a try. As many others know, it sure ain't easy thinking of your S in the sack with someone else BUT what is is!