I've continued to think more about what I wrote in my last post. More about the idea that the dance classes are a microcosm of our R. I believe they truly are! Everything I am experiencing there is just a repeat of our R. I wanted to do this in part because it would be something we would have to work at together. In order for this type of dancing to work both parties must make compromises and deal with each others strengths and needs. My W resents having to work with my "needs" in both dance and life. She gets easily frustrated when I'm not keeping up to her and her method for pushing me forward is criticism, not encouragement. Again, this is just like our M!!!! I am an object that just gets in the way of what she wants and when she wants it. She has unrealistic ideas of what I should be capable of. I "should know" when a certain dance step is called for because we've done it before! There's no room for individuality or differing learning styles. If I correct her, she becomes sensitive and angry at times (not always), only she can point out her own errors, not me (and trust me, I only do so if there is a point to doing so). I am much more able to bend and accept her needs and abilities. It's interesting because she has always said that she was unable to meet others needs (yes, sadly she said it. My reply was "so your answer to that is to go out and start another R?"). I think part of me was believing that if I could make this BR dance stuff work then maybe it might cross over to our R. I'm starting to think that just a little pipe dream. She won't work at it but continues to interact in all the old ways. During our previous R talks I once said that I believed M worked when two people compromised. You enjoy the good, work on the bad and sometimes you just accept that certain things are not going to change. Her response was "that is not good enough for me", WTF! So, anyway, these are just some of my rambling thoughts for the evening. I hope they make sense to somebody out there besides me! Just an aside here, I am not depressed, just kind of thinking about things a bit tonite. I'm glad that she has agreed to continue our classes in the new year. As bizarre as this sounds, it really is nice to get out and do something together. It's becoming OUR night (which may be part of the problem)and she always wanted an OUR night, so now we have it. Thanks for reading all this gobbly gook
