Yes, locked out again. I guess being locked out is meant to toughen us up in order to deal with the rejection we face at home! Thanks Michelle I've changed my "subject" heading, I don't really talk about the Goddess of Perfection (OP) much anymore. I thought I'd go to where my thoughts tend to be. Pushing this sitch to the limits, you know "to go where no LBS has ever gone before...." or is that too Trekkie sounding? (I'm not one, I swear).
I'm really kind of up this weekend. I have been looking into Solution Focused therapy and am really excited. No, not for my M but for my job! I am in the helping profession and work in a field with a target population that is considered quite unmotivated and stuck in their "unhappy places". So, counsellors tend to burn out or give up. Since reading DB/DR I have recognized how this could really make an impact on the client group I work with. So, I have been scouring the internet, ordering books and putting together plans for using this in my work. Rather than focusing on people's problems and their "lack", it pushes the focus to what they are doing right and looking towards doing more of it. Exciting stuff. I have found a Certificate course at our local University and am going to discuss the idea of taking it with my W. It's pretty much a six weekend course through the year and can be stretched to two years. It's no major time consumer. This would be most exciting for me work wise and also would be another 180 for me. My W is very motivated to do well in her career, I'm happy to just go along day to day, making the best of whatever comes along. This would be a step forward for me. Even if I don't pursue this (money reasons or whatever) it is adding an exciting element to my work. There's always something out there to make this life the amazing experience it really is. Wish me luck, guys!
Well, stop the world! My W complimented my dinner tonite, it's hard to make a good stuffed bitter melon in black bean sauce, ya know On the weekend I had thanked my girls for their compliments in regards to my new cooking attempts, I guess W decided to join in. I thanked her and explained how I had prepared the dish (she asked). I was also a good H this weekend by calling a family meeting to discuss our plans for December, you know, shopping days etc. I mentioned that the house needed cleaning and we divided the chores, we paid out the allowances and all that good stuff. I even typed up the Meeting Minutes with all the decisions and duties outlined. The rest of the day was really nice and we all went out to dinner (English food!). I think she was really pleased with me taking the initiative to call the meeting and get things organized cuz she loves organized! In fact she only stayed out with OP for 2 hours later that night. So things are looking OK here for now. Just thought I'd keep you guys in the loop.
Thanks 1210, I just talked to my W about the Certificate courses I want to take and she's onside! Again, upgrading my skills and showing some interest in improving my career prospects is something I know she respects. So, I think its a GO! I just keep chugging along here. Hey, there might be some lonely single women in this course, who knows P.S. I haven't bought a Christmas gift yet! My W did suggest a specific present for my eldest D, I was in agreement. Gift buying will be a "team" effort this year.
Thanks OSU, sometimes I think I'm just totally out of touch with reality here. But, although this may not be the happy place of my dreams its the place I have to be right now. I choose to be stuck with it. So, I can make it as positive an experience as possible or destroy myself! I think I'll stick with the positive for a bit. I know the wheels are bound to come off at some point but hopefully by then I'm adept enough to get them back on in a jiffy! Thanks for checking in.
Well, back from dance lesson #8. Tonite I was a star, doing the Samba, Rumba and line dance but then those wheels fell of my wagon, it was an ugly sight DBers! The Foxtrot put me into complete brain meltdown. It was kind of like shell shock only without the shells. At least my W thought it was funny. She said laughingly "You mean to tell me that after 8 weeks you don't remember the basic steps?" I said "Yup, I think my brain has gone into lockdown mode". I was so lost!!! Oh well, there's always next week. On the way to the class I asked my W if she would like to take a day off work and do the Christmas shopping together. I got complete silence. I mentioned that she was intending to take time off to do it anyway, so why not do it together. Silence. I asked "do you think this is a good idea?" she replied "I don't know" so I just left it with "think about it, this way we would both be agreed on what was bought". Beats me what the big problem was but I'm not going to worry about it, I showed that I am willing to approach the gift buying season in a different manner this year, that's what is important. After the class she did ask how many classes we had left and how you sign up for the next set of lessons. That's positive. So that's my news from the front. I'll sign off now.
Today is a good day! I applied for my course, work will give me the time off (with pay) and will contribute towards the tuition cost. I've shared the SF concept with another counsellor, who expressed interest, and she came back to me to say that she used the Solution Focused approach (DB is SF) with a client and for the first time that person actually opened up to her and shared feelings, thoughts etc. She was quite impressed with this approach. It's nice to see I'm making a difference at home and at my workplace. Yes, actions do create feelings, don't they. I will enjoy this day!
Hey folks, I've got a situation to pass by you guys. One year ago I bought my W an afternoon at the Spa gift certificate, it expires soon. It was a graduation gift for her. She said I deserved it more than her for all the extra work I had put in while she did her schooling. Nice thing to say but a nicer "thank you" would have been not to step out on me! Anyway, I reminded her about two weeks ago about the expiry date, she said she knew so I left it at that. Now, there is nothing marked on the calender and she hasn't mentioned it since. Knowing my W, she has probably forgotten about it. I am tempted to mention it again and part of me wants to make an appointment for her rather than just lose the money. I'm leaning towards letting her lie in the bed she made and lose the money but you could also argue that the MANLY and caring thing to do would be to make the appointment for her. But wouldn't that be coddling her and saying "I don't think you are capable"? Reminding her is saying the same thing. Probably, doing nothing would be a 180 for me. Who knows maybe she's made the appointment but doesn't feel its any of my business. Any thoughts out there?
On the weekend I had thanked my girls for their compliments in regards to my new cooking attempts, I guess W decided to join in. I thanked her and explained how I had prepared the dish (she asked). I was also a good H this weekend by calling a family meeting to discuss our plans for December, you know, shopping days etc. I mentioned that the house needed cleaning and we divided the chores, we paid out the allowances and all that good stuff. I even typed up the Meeting Minutes with all the decisions and duties outlined. The rest of the day was really nice and we all went out to dinner (English food!). I think she was really pleased with me taking the initiative to call the meeting and get things organized cuz she loves organized! In fact she only stayed out with OP for 2 hours later that night. So things are looking OK here for now. Just thought I'd keep you guys in the loop. 