Sorry I checked out. I haven’t had much time to post or even to read.
I look at my previous posts and since I have tried to be thinking, introspective, self improving being throughout this ordeal (fast lane to self-enlightenment) I remind myself that most of my problems are because of how I choose to interpret, or view, what is going on at any given minute.
Yes, my problems don’t live in a vacuum and H was/is the star player. One day something H does, will not even register a blip on my radar screen, I don’t get anxious because I have found a way to interrupt those anxious thoughts and yet another day, the same thing can cause havoc to my PMA. It’s all about MY perspective. If I stick to my goals, everything I do or say is in line with them. If I forget my goals, my over-active imagination can take over and way-lay me. Not to the degree that it used to but still it does have power.
I see that my anxiety this past week or so was allowed to grow because I couldn’t focus on myself. Once I wrote down MY reasons for Dbing and read all the thoughtful posts and Barb gave me a get a hold of yourself post, I was able to recover.
Glow: About my H’s passive aggressiveness, yes it can be labeled abuse, but how does my labeling it abuse help me with my goals? When I start to think of my H and how he fits the profile of a narsassistic, verbally abusive, selfish person. I want to head for the hills. It’s the same thing if I start to lable myself co-dependant and then use that lablel to stop doing nice things for people. Yes, what my H said was incredibly "anti-relationship". I just can’t focus on his behavior, only my own or else my PMA will plummet and I will feel victimized.
Yes, my H had put me in the role of the mother to be rebelled against. Especially lovely, when you have a teenage daughter feeling and acting the same way. One of my goals was to stop acting like his mother.
Yes, my first reaction, like yours, to H’s attitude IS to go dim. But somehow, I think it is not the right thing to do. I do think he is responding to my friendly approach and my being around him. My H doesn’t fall for that old adage, ”absence makes the heart grow fonder” I do think you are absolutely right that I need to focus on myself and I will take that to heart. As you know, it seems to always be, “back to the basics!” Thanks for your thoughtful post!
LSL: I actually have considered moving the master bedroom into the studio. I think this would back-fire big time. I think he would see this as pushy and resent me. Everything always has to be his idea. The trick is getting him to think all these things are his idea. Thanks for your thoughts and for posting on my thread.
Barb, I so enjoyed visiting with you. The time really went by fast, didn’t it? As it so happens, your “little bit of advice” was right on! Sometimes I just need someone to remind me of what I already know but have temporarily forgotten. As soon as I read your post, I blessed you and straightened right up. That was it for me. No more analyzing or asking about anything, just plain old watching what he does as opposed to what he says.
Thanks for coming over and visiting, I hope you keep coming over. I am praying for you too. Hugs!
Zebra, Yes, you are an old-timer and, yes, this does take soooooo much time for many of us. I have said it before but I’ll say it again: sometimes I think I’ll just be like one of those people that were in that study that says that most marriages that were unhappy, were five years later, described as happy. I’ve still got a year to go. I will let you know how Retrouvaille goes.
Take care Zebra and you do have lots of wise things to say; keep sharing with us!
