I have been reading your thread and thinking about you. I agree, your H is controlling the situation. That passive-aggressive attitude that that's the way he is and you can like it or lump it amounts to abuse
But, it could also amount to an adolescent attitude that you aren't going to tell him what to do---projection of a mother he has to rebel against onto you.
You have 2 weeks until your retreat. Could you go way dim on him and work on yourself until then? The classic DBing? Just let him swing in the breeze for a while, and be friendly but distant. Meanwhile, pull some 180s and do fabulous things for yourself.
