Yes, I did set a boundary, only problem is we have already moved. He already has insisted on sleeping apart now that we have moved. That is what I am hoping the Retrouvaille weekend will address. He is not easy to talk to about stuff like that.
I have no evidence that he is still “with” ow. I do know that he sees her for some work related stuff and that they work closely regarding that stuff. How do I handle the anxiety? I don’t allow myself to think about it, I let go and let God. I do not have to control anything, any more. Yes, I do feel anxious sometimes but not very often and not for too long.
Andrea, you can ask me anything. I may not always answer the question but I certainly don’t mind you asking. Am I sure that this is the man that makes me happy? No, I am not sure. I know that I have to make myself happy and except him for who he is. I can’t imagine me without intimacy either. It makes me very sad. Right now I need a hug from him so badly and I won’t ask for it. His family is not the hugging kind. Before H’s MLC, I would just ask for one. But, not now.
Oh, Debm, I just love it when you come to visit me. How are you girlfriend?!?!
I certainly do remember that you all have very few talks about that time or R in general. I am glad that you are able to bring stuff up though, when you need to. I hope I will get there soon.
I do wish I could be absolutely certain that the A is completely over but, I am just not. I have given my H space in the arena of intimacy, not much choice actually, because he sleeps outside in the studio.
Fortunately, H's relationship with the kids did not go down the tubes during his MLC. I think my D just stuffed it all. As a matter of fact she just had her birthday and was horrible, I mean horrible. I wonder if she isn't pulling from her 3 birthday's before last when things were so horrible. Only thing is she is focusing on me as the one that isn't coming through for her. Her anger at me is bringing up(for me) all the stuff I went through with H and how hurtful it was. I imagine I'm being a little cryptic. Just too tired to go into the details. Just suffice it to say, my D17 is being an incredibly ungrateful girl and I reacted by returning her gifts and she is now focusing on THAT instead of what she did. You know blaming and spewing venom. Though your H never really was very mean was he? Well, my H was and my D's behavior is bringing it home.
H has been supportive through it all. He hasn't made all the choices that I would like but all in all, he told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was to make it right with me and that he was disappointed in her. Before he would've used this opportunity to show that I was the devil woman.
Ah life goes on. Feeling a bit down about all this. I just don't feel so resiliant. Like my D has opened up the wound that H had made.
I hope I'm making sense.
Just trying to process it quickly and it's not happening. I guess I'm ready for another internal transformation within myself.
