Hi Andrea: Thanks for your support. I will go visit your thread after I'm finished here. I wish I had more time so that I could be of more help.
"Told me something... why you think your h avoid being intime with you...?... how you handle that...?... By ot threads you can know that rachael or me feels so anxious when our h are so distance... how do you handle being as friends and only friend or partner with your h...? had you ever talked about that with him...? "
Frankly, Andrea, I really don't know why he won't sleep in the same room(not to mention, sex or even just a hug). He says he just wants to be alone, that he has never really been alone. I don't understand it.(Every once in awhile I worry that the reason is because he is still having sex with the ow) Way back when, I'm the one that asked him to leave. He wouldn't leave so, I kicked him out of the bedroom. He seemed happy about that actually. I thought that was the one area that was fine in our relationship.
I was just like you and Rachael in the beginning. Remember, I've been doing this for 4+or- years now. I just had to learn how to let go of controlling anything. I really had no choice. I put it firmly in God's hands and left it there. All in HIS time. This was not easy and it took a long time to detach. I was so so SO distraught.
I am hoping that when we go to the Retrouvaille weekend in three weeks, that I will get some answers.
I told my H before we moved to our new house, that I would NOT move in with him if we were going to continue living like this(roommates). I thought I made that real clear. I am not saying anything until after I see if the weekend opens up communication in the OR area.
One thing I do know, is that the LBS's anxiety feels like pursuit to the WA so, it is a definate no no. I had to work on containing mine and my anger and upset. I have now become very good at it.
