Wow, what a difference a year can make!! H took 14 people out for Sushi for D17’s birthday. We had a great time. Things are really going well in the family arena. I wish it were so in the OR arena, but at least, it is pleasant. H and I drank sake and visited with another couple(and S9) at one table and all the teens sat at another.
Loretta: You are so fortunate to be in a position of some power. Since my H just pretends that everything is just fine and that he didn’t have an ow or anything I have little that I can actually address. I do set some boundaries but I am very careful. My H never left home so I didn’t even have that as a way to draw the line. Yes, for 3 years my H was a very mean and angry man. THAT, HAS changed.
I damaged my rotator cup in my left shoulder and was in a lot of pain yesterday and H wanted to go and get something for me so that I would feel better. That is a change. I just wish we could talk about something. It sometimes feels so shallow. I am glad that your H doesn’t want the space and chooses to be with you.
“At 7 months ow called screaming on night daughter took the call. She was saying I will make your life living hell”
That must have been so awful for your daughter. Did your H feel bad about that?
I too feel soooooo much stronger and really know I could live fine with out being married to my H. I would be fine without him but would rather not.
Sometimes those intensely emotional times really push us through to a new level. Good that your S got his feelings out and that your H heard him. Have a great time with your H!
Rachael, Of course I remember you! I have been following your story. Are you taking something to help you with the anxiety? That can really make it difficult to DB if you are anxious and also it puts too much pressure on your H. Honey, sometimes it takes some time for them to fully detach from the ow. Loretta is right they ARE grieving the loss of the ow. You just have to allow that to be okay. How do I find peace? Well, I rarely allow myself to have a negative thought or worry. If I do, it overtakes me and I can’t DB. It is not easy but, I’ve committed to save my marriage and if I start thinking about anything negative I just want to blast my H and leave.
Honey, worrying about whether your H will leave you again or start up with the ow, will NOT prevent either of those things from happening. You have to give up control and leave it in God’s hands. That is a big one for many of us and takes along time to relinquish that need to control, fix, or change things that are really not ours to control, fix or change.
One of the reasons, I think, this all takes so long, is that WE really need to live our changes and that takes time. It took me at least a year and a half or more, to realize I had no control at all. Take care of yourself.
