I'm still so mistrustful. Loretta, you said it was still hard after your H came home. It is. They are not the same for a long time. Mine still has periods when he distances and I will ask him about it and he will say he does not realize he is doin git and then tries to change. The problem mainly is me. I still have SO much anxiety fearing he will leave again or that its not really over with the OW. Ever since we were separated I have had anxiety disorder and I can't seem to shake it. The only peace I get is when I sleep. Its been very hard but I am up around him. He couuld not stand for me to be depressed or withdrawn. How do you find some kind of peace while going through this-It is so very scary to me, and I'm so tired of allthe anxiety that goes with it..Rachael
That mistrustful feeling comes up ever so often. I dont think it ever goes away completely. What I did was when something came up that made me feel uncomfortable I had to stop it as I mentioned earlier. It is like they are greiving the loss of the OW relationship. The ow may be putting pressure on them crying, threatening. They cant seem to let go because they are afraid to be alone. If you get rid of them they need to swing back in. At 7 months ow called screaming on night daughter took the call. She was saying I will make your life living hell. Next day I told h why do you have to keep this person hanging on is she your feel good fix. I reassured him that I wasnt going anywhere I loved him but this connection has to stop. I really feel from that moment on It stopped.
I am stronger now if the marriage was to end I would be OK I know I gave it my best shot. And I have learned what I want out of a relationship. If H isnt interested in being the icing on my cake then someone else will. So far he has been pulling through. We have had some rough interactions involving the children especially our son. Son one day started crying saying why cant you be like so and so dad, I just want to please you I cant do anything right. It was at that moment I realized that son was feeling the same as me I was working on our relationship together not realizing son was feeling like me. I said to H why cant you just love us, we arnt going anywhere we love you and just want you to love us dont be afraid. It was a good thing that happened. He is giving more and more love all the time. I was so proud of our son, I told him that he was amazing to share his feelings so well. In the heat of it I told him to tell his dad what he needs. Because his dad who is a foster child didnt know how to be a dad. H has gone to cottage, he called me tonight to make sure I was still coming tomorrow. Kids will stay home with grandpa.Should be fun. Just another one of our dates to keep the juices flowing. Take care all, Have a good weekend, Loretta
