EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Thanks Julie! When I focus on his actions things seem very positive so I am trying to do that.

Stilltryin – yes, I’ll definitely be cautious. I’ve already caught him in a few lies (or more, lies of omission) when he didn’t want to hurt me. I am adamant about the STD thing and will make that very clear in MC and moving forward, if this whole S happens!! I can see why you had a hard time with that though – it’s not easy to think about.

Thanks for your offer of help on the refi! We were at 5.5% which is why it’s kind of painful to give up that rate!! It’s through Wells Fargo and they’re at 5.875% right now, though, so it’s not too bad. They have this “timesaver” loan that requires WAY less paperwork than going somewhere else and it’ll only cost us about $500, so we went ahead and applied for that.

Not only did H not try and set me up last night, he and his buddy ended up going to a place near our house to play pool and kept trying to get me to go! There are plenty of places near the buddy’s house they could have gone but instead they drove 20 minutes away, thought that was kind of strange. I went out and did fun stuff on the way home from work so I got back fairly late, and when I got home there were a bunch of messages on the machine trying to talk me into joining them. Nice! I guess the being mysterious and not calling worked!!! I didn’t end up going because I wanted to get some things done at home, but H actually came home at a somewhat normal time, even. Of course I made sure I was all dressed up and a little mysterious about why I got home so late.

You are absolutely right about loving myself – I am really looking forward to that journey!! If I can make it… no wait, WHEN I make it… I will be breaking a very long cycle of the women in my family hating themselves (mom, both grandmas, both great-grandmas as far as I know). Talk about feeling powerful!!

Stilltryin, I wish your H would compliment you more – you so deserve it!!! I wonder how to get it through his brain that it’s important? Hm. If I think of good ideas I’ll put them on your thread for you.

I am so nervous about our MC tonight. I know it’s going to be hard. I’m up for the challenge but it makes me kind of sick to my stomach too. I am going to have to be VERY strong about the house thing. I have a whole list of reasons and things I want to say ready to go. I’ll read them over and over before we go, so that I’m prepared. H will be pretty surprised when I stand up for myself, I think. The old me tended to be a major doormat so it’s a big 180… not one that will necessarily make him happy though. Although, I think he’ll admire the strength even if he doesn’t like what it means (him moving instead of me).