EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

you know, even though that was a good point (forgot who said it, oldtimer or julie?) about getting a "high" from the move, I still say that You need to stay in the home. He is the one who made this decision, so it should be all him having to deal with it.

I had actually kicked my H out, because he wouldn't stop communicating the OW, but then the next day (after talking to my really smart christian friend) I realized it was a horrible mistake. Even though he was betraying me and disrespecting me by having the A, if I forced him out, then he would have even more worldly influence on him, and I would have hardly any. He did stay at his friends several times after that. It was back and forth a lot. Half the time, I think it was because he didn't want to do anything physical with me because he felt bad towards his OW, I'm not sure. He did say that he tried to avoid me sometimes because he didn't think it was fair to anyone. My thought was, oh, so you'll be physical with her, but not with me, so basically your saying it's not fair to HER. oh well, that was months ago.

Well, after DBing for several months I could tell he was really confused. Sometimes be mean to me, or sometimes want me physicallly, or do nice things for me. I was so confused! Well, we were going to visit family and he asked me to stay there so he could be alone for a while. I was really hesitant on this, but I said, I would, but either you tell me when we can come back, or I'll come back when I want. It lasted about 3 weeks, and he text me that he wanted me back for good.

So, the S can be a good thing. I don't think it's a good thing for him to "sow his oats".. doesn't that mean go out and just have sex with people? or am I totally wrong? What he needs to do is to clear his head and get himself right so that he can think clearly and know what he wants to do.

My whole reason for you not to ever mention the S is so that you can have as much time as you can to show him you've changed/are changing.

And PLEASE stop worrying so much about being perfect. Your H knows he can't find a "perfect" person. But he needs to see that even when things are bad, you can react in a good way, or take things and learn from things positively. So don't worry about what he thinks of you, or if you are doing the right things. I KNOW YOU ARE! You are becoming a wonderful human being and your feeling better, better about yourself, and the "old-fake" Nikki is going away because that was not the real you.

So DON'T worry about what he is thinking, you worry about being the best Nikki you can be and love yourself and be true to yourself.

I'm still praying for you!