EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Says he's been so "mean" since the MC visit because she suggested a trial separation and he's been torn up about telling me. She DID convince him that it was only fair to all of us that he cut off contact with OW too, though. If he wants to see what life's like without me fine but without his vision clouded by her. Thought that made sense actually.

The reason she tried to cancel is she felt H had made his mind up and it wasn't worth bothering... he convinced her he wasn't sure, so that's when she suggested the trial separation.

For some reason, what you wrote here concerns me. I really don't think that the DB coaches would have ever tried cancelling and that it wasn't worth trying, unless she was trying to use reverse phsychology on him or something. Because the DB coaches think it's always worth trying no matter how far gone the case is. I do think it was really good that she convinced him he needed to cut off contact with OW (whether he can really do that or not, time will tell.. my H couldn't, it was like a drug)

He told me he's been more attracted to me lately and that everything I've been doing is "awesome" and he hopes I keep it up. It's what's made him unsure about leaving.

This is really really good. That's exactly what happened with my H. See, in their clouded mind, they think that who we have been is our real selves and if we changed, we wouldn't be true to ourselves, but what they don't get is that part of the reason we became the person they didn't like was because of what they were doing to us. It's a huge cycle. But when we change everything changes and eventually they realize, oh, maybe this change isn't fake, and things can be better.

Oh yeah the logistics... he wants to stay in the house because he can make the payment on his own and all his hobby stuff is here, and his hobbies are really important to him (agreed, and it's not stuff he could move easily). He's also good friends with a lot of the neighbors. I want to stay in the house because it's HIS choice to leave, he should have to pack up his crap and leave OUR life behind, dammit. And besides that I won't leave my dog and she likes her yard... and she barks too much to be in an apartment even though she's small. The few friends I do have that aren't through him are our neighbors, too. He started talking about the yard and pool being so much to care for. My only really bad non-DB statement, besides the crying, was I said "I get it, you want our life, just not me. Just stop talking please." I couldn't take anymore.

I would NOT move out. This is his decision to separate, you should not have to move a finger. I would just make yourself prepared for it if it does happen. But I wouldn't talk about it, or bring it up, unless he does. He may think that it is what he wants, but will be partly hesitant to do so, and it might not even happen. The reason why I say it is a bad idea, is because if he moves out, you won't have much influence in his life and you want to have enough time DBing in front of him so he can see what he is missing if he does move out for a bit.

He told me he cares about me, I'll always be in his life no matter what. He said maybe it's all him, maybe it's an MLC.

That is really good. my H never said this.

I have to finish up later...