EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Oops I hit submit too soon, sorry!

Oldtimer – yes, I guess that is soon. It feels SO far away but it’s only 2 days. Anyone can get through 2 days right?? I wish I wasn’t worried about money, part of me wants to go to a hotel or something until then.

For the MC – no, I definitely don’t plan to try and talk him out of the S. I agree that it might be good for me, too, in part to prove to myself that my changes are real and that I can continue to make positive changes no matter what. I’d rather not do it but I can see the positive side. In fact as soon as he said it, I told him that I had been considering the same thing. I am becoming exhausted with feeling I have to be “perfect” all the time. I nearly had a panic attack the other night when I got a nosebleed and H was due home, I was afraid he’d see me bleeding. How silly is that?? I can’t live like that.

I am using all the posts here to develop my “reasons I should stay” and “reasons I should be the one to move” lists. My strategy for MC is definitely going to be to talk logistics and what’s fair. I also need to know if it even makes sense to set some kind of rules. I mean, if H still wants to ‘date’ me (and yes, I know turn him down sometimes!) and possibly be physical sometimes – well, I need reasonable assurances I’m not going to be exposed to anything, if you know what I mean.

When I met one on one with the MC she told me that she thinks H is going to walk out, get burned, and come back to me. She told him almost the same thing in a more guy-friendly way – she thinks he’s going to walk out, “sow his oats,” and come back. When he told me that last night I said as jokingly as I could “Yeah, that is if I still want you once I’m transformed into a new woman!” I’m doubting if I should’ve said it but don’t feel it was particularly harmful.

You are absolutely right that I am already seeking “connectors” and I hadn’t caught it. Thanks for pointing that out. Actually I see him doing it too, now that you mention it.. talking about reasons we’d have to see each other. There will be certain things that really will require contact but I need to think carefully about what those are and what are just excuses.