Hi Kansha My H left us for two years, he then wanted to return home. I DB'd him for those two years. When he told me he told the OW that he wanted to go back with me if I would have him. I had good advice at that time and I told him he would have to devote himself for a year to us to prove this is really what he wanted and also if it was what I wanted. I continue to DB over that year. At the end of the year he started staying at the house every night sleeping on the couch at first then moving into the Bedroom. I asked him what he was doing you just cant come home like this without any discussion. Please leave and I will think about it give me three weeks. He stayed away one night, the next night he returned with something he had to do. I said what are you doing here, he said dont you want me. I said yes I do and it is just over a year now. It was hell until I got into the driver seat. When he first came home to stay I had already laided many boundries. Once he was back in the house it was touch and go he wasnt showing me any affection. He said,It was an obligation that he had to come home. He didnt love me when he first came back. He was mainly home for the children. He had some. not much feelings for me. He chose not to love me and we had to work on getting the feelings back. Because he wasnt very loving and giving I felt upset and that is when the boundries got layed. For example not coming home after work, that was a red flag for me and I was afraid it was happening again. So I made it clear that I couldnt take that and he has to come home from work. I am stronger now and I do give him more space, what I find now is he doesnt want the space he wants to be with us.
We had so many relationship issues to work on between his with me and the children. I was the counsellor, it was hard he wouldnt go anywhere. He didnt want to talk to anybody. He had been seeing a psychiatrist for a while getting rid of all his demons. That has made a big difference. He was a very angry, mean man before he left. He has completely change for the better. I am getting twinges of my love feelings back for him. I decided to work on this relationship after reading Michele's first chapter that kept me strong and focused.
