Some practical thoughts:

- check with an attorney to see if it helps your case to stay in the house. If it does, stay.

- one reason to stay in the house - if you get back together, you won't have to wonder if OW has been there.

- one reason to leave - the "high" of setting up a new apartment, buying new furniture, etc. seems to encourage to WAS if they're the one leaving

- remind your H that if you are separated, and he is dating others, then you will be too. (Even though you won't, he doesn't have to know that). It's amazing how they think they can "try out" being single, but expect that you'll just sit there and wait. While my h was planning to move out, he'd cry at the thought of me with another man!!!

- my H put a deposit on an apartment, but never moved out. Some things I think were a factor:
I started going out one night a week with my girlfriend.
Although we never did anything but see a movie or get a drink, I made it all sound a little more mysterious to H, and told him we were planning to go dancing the next week.

I ordered a new bed. I told H that if he was leaving, that he had to take the bed, because I could not sleep alone in that bed that we had slept together in for so long. I ordered a bigger mattress - we're average size, and always slept snuggled up in a full. I ordered a queen - the unspoken message - that i might end up with a BIGGER guy in the future, and needed a bed that would accomodate all comers! I arranged for the bed to be delivered right before H was supposed to move out, so he wouldn't "contaminate' it, so to speak. If he had moved out, I would have put sexy new bedlinens on it and remodeled the bedroom to be more inviting (to WHOM, he would think??).

During this time, after the initial tears, I acted As If he was leaving and I was moving forward with my life. I didn't plead. I remained clear that it wasn't what I wanted, but that I wouldn't stand in his way. I avoided R convos as much as possible. I continued to DB by being well-dressed, cheerful, sexy, and speaking his love languages of quality time and gifts. I kept my PMA high but my expectations rock bottom. I dropped the rope. It's like a tug-of-war - when you stop pulling on the rope, he's gonna fall over. This guy doesn't really want to move out - he just wants that dopamine high. He's already shown signs of possessiveness - come home lkate one night, dress up cute whwen you go out, let him start to wonder if he could lose you.

Ellie