EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Thanks Utterly Alone and Stilltryin for your posts!

Stilltryin – you are so good at helping me, thank you!!! How is it that we all manage to make such similar mistakes? You are right about the photos and how great H is treating me, and I need to be grateful for it. I looked at the blank wall as I left the house and it didn’t feel right, but I didn’t have time to put them back up. I won’t be able to fix it before H gets home, so I left him a (pretty upbeat) voicemail letting him know not to freak out when he walks in, it’s just one of my “projects” this week.

H knows that I’ve been meaning to update the wall since most of the pics are outdated, and I’ve wanted to get matching frames anyway. I realize that the timing is bad and it might seem like pressure, but I think I can pull it off. For the wedding ones I’ll say I decided to take everything down at once so I could dust and clean the walls.

I have managed to snap out of the crying and I’m now smiling some today. I am hoping by tonight I can get myself into a good mood. I know I need to not be sulky, crying, depressed etc., it’s just the HOW of it that I’m having trouble with. If I start to feel upset tonight I plan to jump on the treadmill.

Utterly Alone – I ran the numbers again and it looks like I can afford to stay in the house and pay all the bills. I’ll have to reduce what I put into savings each month but I’d be OK. Actually if we refi, the payment for the house (even with water/sewer etc.) would be cheaper than me renting a safe, comfortable place where I can have my dog. H has a lot of family and friends he can stay with if he doesn’t want to rent a place, too. I really don't have that option.

Physically it will be TOUGH for me, for sure. I’m going to propose that we do something to fix the gate so I can open it, drain the pool for now, and figure out something for the mowing and “handyman” stuff. I’m hoping that we can work something out where H does the mowing, or pays someone… we’ll see. And maybe once a month he can help with the "fix it" stuff I can’t do. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask him to do that much while he’s thinking things through but we’ll see. Maybe I can even promise to be gone when he does. We'll have to work something out w/the garage too.

If he ends up staying with the one friend he’s talked to, his expenses will be practically nothing, so in that case I’d ask for help with the house payment and a mowing service.

<sigh>… practically speaking it probably makes more sense for me to move to an apartment or duplex with maintenance included, but it just doesn’t feel right.

I can’t decide if I should try to talk to him about all the logistics tonight or wait for the MC session. See how we’re both feeling, I guess.

Any other thoughts are welcome of course, there’s a lot to think through here!

Sending out positive thoughts to all of you!!