EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Julie and Stilltryin – thank you!

Julie, thank you for the reminder. You’re not a wet blanket at all!! You inspire me on a daily basis with your own thread and your posts to mine. I feel like this is the most important time yet to apply my DB’ing techniques. I finally have such a better chance at them really working. I think the hardest thing the next few days will not taking his depression personally. I hope to have time to re-read the book this weekend, I need to brush up big time.

Stilltryin – thanks for catching up!! You make a good point that maybe no one’s ever really talked to the OW about her behavior. I know a few people have tried including my H (probably not the best person to talk to her about it though!). H said that he actually tried to help her by telling her the stuff that he or I saw her do that ticked the women around her off. For example looking the woman up and down disdainfully, complimenting her on her handsome H/BF (in a tone that says "can't believe YOU snagged a guy this hot), and immediately flirting with the H/BF. She actually told him she KNEW she did this and she didn’t care if women liked or respected her (except for me, of course).

I hope he still goes skiing tomorrow with the other friends. I am really upset that he might give skiing up and use me as a reason for it.

I am trying to think what I’d do for a really good friend who was depressed and I don’t know if I’d let them sit around and “mope” or if I’d try to drag/kick them out to do something fun. I THINK he’d probably be happier with the “drag him out” thing – that’s actually what he’s been doing for OW during her separation when she’s really down and what he normally does for his friends that are having a rough time. I started to plan something casual tonight for us to do with friends, but I decided I should wait and see how he’s feeling or if he even comes home. He’s got one good friend who’s amazing at pulling him out of bad moods in a very “guy friendly” way (i.e. go kart racing and take out their aggressions on the track) – I thought about calling him but don’t want to tell him about our situation unless H wants to.

I will keep on working on me, trying to detach, and still try to help H through the tough part. Dang this is a confusing balancing act! I have confidence in him and in us though.