EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm glad your session went well.

I had also had MC sessions (2 of them, haven't done the third) with someone from Michelles office.

Now you guys are in a different sitch then mine, but there is still an OW. My C told me never to mention the OW, he was really strict with the books.

My gut feeling is telling me to be wary of the "fight" with OW. the stuff like, giving her dirty looks and being a "b". I really disagree with that. Firstly, because I'm a christian, and we should think and act as Jesus would act, and as you had said, feel pity for her. I think that being upfront and honest with her and convicting her of what she is doing in an unhateful manner would be good. If you become a "B" about it, it will just lessen your character and it also could cause your H to be pulled into her grasp even further. he will feel cause to defend her and so on.

That's just MHO.

The whole thing really depends on what he is thinking right now. Is he thinking that the M probably just won't work? Or that he feels stuck right now? That's why I believe that the DR book is so insightful, even though it's so hard to do and you feel like people are seeing you as a doormat, but it's a choice that we make to save our marriage and to wait out the storm. I believe our H's are not in a right frame of mind because of how long they alowed their unhapiness to continue without coming to us to resolve what is going on inside their heads. And when an OW comes along it makes things ever so confusing. Yes, they ARE smart enuf to "get it", but they are truely in another sense of being, so I believe that the answer is really NO.

Anyways, I'm glad it turned out well, and I hope that your H's is even better.

Make sure you journal the results of your actions so you know if what she has told you to do is working. I believe the DR book said it can be a week or two before noticing a change.

Do find that DR book. The library should have it. It has a lot of the same info, but more and I find it so much easier to read, and some better info too.