EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Thanks Stilltryin! I need to re-read DB tonight I think (still haven’t made it to the store to find DR). I realized I’m burying myself in chores and stuff and not really doing the GAL (unless you call laundry a “life” ) I am doing OK with some of it but feel like I’m losing the core concepts of what I need to be doing.

It’s only been ..hmm.. 6 weeks maybe since I started DB’ing, and the first 2 of those I was pretty much flying blind. The big speech happened on October 7, I found DB and just barely started to learn the concepts, and then we left for a 9 day road trip right after that. It was our 5 year anniversary trip, boy was it weird after just getting the ILYBINILWY speech. It’s a good thing I at least sort of found DB before that because our trip would’ve been nothing but crying and pleading and R talks. Instead I managed to remain relatively positive and we actually had a lot of fun at times, but then we got home and it felt like “OK that’s over, hope you enjoyed our last trip together” and I started trying to fully DB. We’ve had some successes but I’ve been doing not very well for about a week now, and realized today that’s probably why all the contact with OW has stepped up so much. I think possibly now that she realizes I don’t like her and I’m on to her games she’s upping the manipulation a bit too.

I am so with you on being concerned about doing anything physical. We’re finally getting our sex life back and now I’m worried about getting STDs! I remembered as part of my rage the other night I told him if he slept with her he better tell me because I didn’t want to be catching any diseases, and he said “I would never do that to you!” I know I know, believe little of what you hear, but he did seem sincere.

Thanks for the reminder to look for the “good” or at least the benefits that he gets from being with OW too, so I can work on making him feel the way he feels around her. He talks constantly about feeling like a jerk (or worse) and puts himself down. If I can make him feel good and like the best catch as you say, maybe that will help in several ways. And of course, work on making MYSELF a good “catch” too.

Thanks for the support. This stuff is so hard.