EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Thanks Shoeprincess for the info. I will definitely watch out for those side effects!!

Julie – yes, I know that can be a huge issue. H really wants me to take the ADs because he thinks they’ll help me, but I am really wavering back and forth on it. If they really can help this would all be so much easier!!

More rollercoaster ride for me the last day or so…<sigh>. All day yesterday H was in a really weird mood so I just tried to give him some space, then in the afternoon he announces he’s going to get his ski passes (you know…with OW… to the place that I can’t go.). She’d been calling him all day bugging him about it apparently. Grr. They went kind of late in the day which historically has been her way of manipulating her way into dinner at our place – I told H calmly before he left “She’s not having dinner here.” They were gone for about 2 hours and when H got home he was in an even worse mood. I asked if he was doing OK and he said he just had a lot on his mind, I said I was sorry to hear that and then he started talking a lot more. It turns out, he finally got backed into a corner when she invited herself over for dinner and he had to tell her that no, I don’t like her, and no, she’s not my friend.

Then he says she “took it pretty well” and said “it’s not the first time this has happened” and then the two of them spent time figuring out how to manipulate me back into a “friendship” situation. Ok I’m putting my own “label” on it – but basically she asked what specifically she does that bothers me (for example, the pillow fight) and then agreed to try harder not to do that stuff when I’m around. Nice. She also said maybe it would help if she spent more time with her BF when she’s around us so I can see that she’s “with someone” (yeah because you know, being with her husband stopped her from messing around with anyone). I had told H the other day that the one thing that would make me feel a LOT better about their “friendship” is if he agreed not to spend time alone with her. Clearly that request isn’t going to happen. Tonight he called hoping I had to work late or run errands so he could go running with her. He asked when I’d be home and I said it didn’t matter, see you when I see you, and hung up. I said it relatively calmly but I’m sure he knows I’m annoyed.

I have no idea what to do… I didn’t freak out during any of the above conversations but I am kind of lost. Is this all because I blew it last week, because she’s down about the divorce, was all the good stuff just a façade? Who knows. I still love the man and want to work this out but not if life will continue to be like this forever.

I guess for this week I’ll work on my PMA and making it to our counseling sessions, one day at a time.