EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Sounds good Nikkib. In my opinion, I think you seem like a reasonably happy/depressed (for lack of a better word!) person. Surely, you've used this site for venting and when you are at your worst, and I have yet to see you without hope or without goodness about you. So, even if mental imbalances run in your family, I think you've hidden it pretty well!

I always kind of wonder if most people have some sort of depression, or something going on. When I was depressed for 2 weeks in bed, and then decided to really pray and focus on Jesus, and then finding the DR book, I took control of my feelings for the most part, and decided to make myself "happy". I say this because I was purposely trying to react to my husband in positive ways even if he did something to me that I was offended by or didn't like. Eventually, the following experience happened to me.

Whenever my H would want to do things outside of me, I would be hurt and depressed (of course because I allowed him to be the reason for my happiness, anyways). Basically, because he never wanted to do anything with just me.

Well, after making conscious efforts to react positively to whatever he would say, one day he said the following to me.

"I was thinking, that when I come back from my trip, I'm going to take S8 to a movie". Well, normally, if he would say anything like that, I would think, "oh, fine, you won't ever take me to a movie, but you'll take our son." ya, pretty selfish though, but that's how I always felt, totally neglected. Well, instead of thinking that, I immediately said, "that sounds like a great idea". And after I said it, I was shocked that it came out of my mouth and I didn't even have to think about it.

So, my point being, is this. I think that when people constantly try to think positively or act positively, eventually, they will automatically feel that way without trying. If you think of it the opposite way, meaning, try to think negatively about everything and act negatiely, of course that is what we will become.

Of course the drug thing is something you will have to decide for yourself. I just don't want you to think that you NEED to have it. But overall, I want your M to work, so if you think that is the best thing for you to do, then it is your choice to do it.


I think your goals sound great. In regards to reading too much into what happened the other night. It's okay. You need this night to boost your ego. Especially since your H continued the mood into the next day, it wasn't like he woke up and thought, man, I made a mistake, what did I do that for. So, relish in it, but just don't think that it's all over and nothing bad can happen now, because then you'll set yourself up. you may still have hurdles yet to overcome.