EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries Part 2

[NikB]

Thanks Stilltryin! I am still pretty blown away by it myself - I don't think anyone's ever used that word to describe me before either. I hope I'm not reading too much into last night but for the first time I feel like my H may be on the way back too!! I would be so happy if we can reconnect without ever completely separating and moving out etc. I'm so glad that things are going well with your H, too.

Yes, I did get a chance to read "For Women Only" and it was GREAT - thank you so much for the recommendation! Between that and what the MC said about him being a very visual person, I really feel like I'm understanding H a lot better these days. I can't believe it took me this long to learn how differently people perceive things. I like your phone pic idea!! If I can figure out how to do it I might try that too.

Thanks for the page about the EA! Interesting, for sure. I kind of want to ask H to read it but I need to keep biting my tongue on the whole EA/OW thing and leave that conversation in the hands of the MC for now.

And yes, I feel awful for the OW boyfriend's wife. I actually DO think she's better off without him from what I've seen. They have 2 kids - I think one's around 5 or 6 and I know one's an infant (OW brought the boyfriend to a party at our house while he left his wife at home with the newborn... classy). I've never met the wife but I've met the boyfriend and he's a jerk. I'm fairly sure he's been cheating with various women the whole time they've been married, and he also treats OW really badly. H can kind of tolerate him, but no one else where they work can stand to be around him, and he's a total pig to women. It really bothers H how badly he treats OW and he's constantly trying to tell her how much better off she would be going back to her H. When she said no way to that, he actually tried to set her up with other people so she'd be with someone who treats her better. Personally I think the OW and boyfriend deserve each other, I just wish the spouses and kids weren't facing so much hurt.

I guess the boyfriend's wife is completely disgusted and at this point plans to make their D as ugly and financially draining on him as possible. I hope she has some good friends and support - she's really going to need it. I have fleeting thoughts about finding out who she is and helping to befriend/support her, but talk about making our complicated situation even worse. I need to focus on myself and my M for now and hope she finds the support she needs.