Dear Kansha: Your story has some similarities with my storie... My h as you know dropped the second bomb a month ago... also this time he insist he didnt want to make a precipitate decission... So, he is still at home, living as a familly, but almost not touch or lovely details for me (also we had made love two times and one or two mornings he look for me touching)... I feel him still distant, still confuse, and he doesnt comunicate nothing at all... As your h going out, here is an example of whats going on my home... On friday again he went out alone with a "buddie".. i get slept but my little son had called him to his cell phone (i knew this the day after because as i told you i was slept... and maybe my little son is catching something is going around us, because he now insist a lot to call his daddy when he didnt arrive home early)... When he arrived home (1:00am) i wake up and asked him where he was... H: i was with XXX enjoying some drinks... Me: can you call me to tell me you were going to arrive late...?... so i can sleep in calm (because insecurity here in my country) or make some plans... h: Our son had called me twice and i told him where i was... me: i didnt know that he called you because i was sleeping.. and he is he... me is me... i am not anything else beside you that doesnt deserve consideration... and the only thing i am asking you is to call me... i am not demanding stop getting out with your buddies is this is what you want to do... i am only asking for a call... h: You can call me if you want to join us drinking something. Me: no... i dont have to call you at all... The one who have the plans is you,not me...! After that he put louder TV, i told him that as he didnt want to talk, i will talk in another moment because there were many things i want to express because i wasnt feeling good with our marriage... and how the things are...
They day after (saturday) i went out early, then he go to the mountain, stay all day in home and nothing speak or told about the conversation the day before... and this time i dont want to talk... On Sunday more or less the same situation... He went out alone at 5:00 and arrive home at 9:00 (because my son again called him) without giving me any explanation of where he was... Also he left his wedding ring on the night table before going out... At 11:00pm my phone cell rang... there was no call register in my cell (this is strange) and he began to ask and ask who was calling me at that hour... he is figuring that someone is calling me... jelaus... i dont know who call... and i told him the true but he doesnt beleive me... he get sleep and again wake up asking me again about the strange call... So, today in the morning i felt i need to talk... i reach the top... i cant wait more days and days... expecting what will be his mood, his behavior, etc...etc... etc... i am crazy being in limboland because he doesnt comunicate nothing at all... So, after lefting my little baby in her first college day, i went to his doctor office... wait until he arrive... he was surprise because my presence... i enter to his office.. and told him i need to talk about us... that i cant wait more expecting what will be his mood, his behavior... that on friday the only thing i ask what consideration for me, that i respect his space, but i only ask for minimal consideration for the person who share the life with him... He told me my son had called him and he was sure my son was beside me... i told him my son was awake and i was slept... He told me he was in calm... that he have his concious in peace... that the life goes on and he was living life with his familly... But the more part of the conversation was again about his doubt because the strange call to my cell phone last night... He had many many women outside waiting for the consult, so he ask me to talk in another moment... i ask him to talk today... and left his office...!!... Today he was again wearing his wedding ring... So, it seams i will have that conversation, because i need to have it... Without comunication between us this will not work... without knowing each other whats is on our hearts and mind, we can be together...!!... What do you think...?... any advices...?... please help...!!... i dont know is the behavior is pushing him away, but in this moment my anger makes me feel and think first in me... i need peace and live in calm... knowing where i stand... Its true they need space to resolve their own dealings, but i feel my h isnt resolving anything... he is avoiding his conflicts, living day by day, feeling the way he wants to feel day by day, without any consideration for me...!!... So... we can give them space... but we also can expect validation, comunication and consideration...!!...
