sue, you sound like I did not long ago...what if we weren't meant to be together and just were...stop asking yourself these questions they are not productive.... and know that right now though you want to work on the r by talking about it with h...you cant...you need to work on the r by working on yourself...you've only just accepted the ff as being just a "friend", deal with that accept that...deal with you...find more of the peace you have been finding for yourself..whatever issues your h has to work out are his to work out...if he is calling to come by and do laundry and watch a movie with YOU that is a good sign...try to hold back the tears at least for now...show h that you are strong and can get through this...because you are and you can!!! LL
