I am reading "Understanding The Enneagram" by Riso & Hudsom . I don't know if it is good or bad but I see many low level 6 traits but not the higher level ones in myself as I read. I still don’t see how to use all the wings and alternatives talked about in the book.
The emotions between BB and me are toned down some and some good things have taken place.
BB still was on the "what if the power goes out" and all of the bad things that could happen. She watches too much news and if an area has a problem, she starts to worry excessively. OCD? I bought the stand-by generator. 7,000 continuous watts with a surge capacity of 12,0000 watts, and it has a Honda 13 HP engine.
Sex once a month: I was concerned about my sister’s lung cancer she was being treated for last year (she never smoked or had any unusual exposures) and concerned about my 25 years breathing brake dust ( asbestos ), so I has a CT scan.
I picked up the report from radiology because my Dr. is sloooooow. The report said I had 2 nodules on a lung but it was most likely from an infection I had at sometime.
BB gets concerned about me and offers sex after complaining about some things I should have done for her. Anyway I said no.
Same thing the next day and that is when I said how I have these feelings of wanting to go some place by myself and that I was depressed. I said some was because of the lack of bonding we I want us to have but we don't. (So I am too fused according to Schnarch.)
I said if we could have some pleasant times instead of the stand-offish thing that was going on for the last couple of weeks, I would want to have sex with her, based on some good shared times.
I said pity sex or sex because she felt I might have a medical condition wasn't (he will be a goner soon) wasn't what I wanted.
I guess I am becoming the girl in the R, wanting something like emotional warmth before the sex happens. Sure, I can fight through the off color remarks and get it, but that isn’t very satisfying some times.
Anyway, the next day things went according to plan. More emotional closeness and we did have sex but I still have to take it very slow and gentle.
A couple of days later the Dr, called and said not to be concerned about anything, the spots on the lungs were calcifications due to an infection, bla,bla, bla, and come back in July.
So new the good glow we had for a few days started to cool off. Same old patterns. BTDT. She did suggest to go uot to eat to a place I really like but she is so so with the place.
I haven’t posted much because when I do, it sounds like the same old thing, just a little different twist. I think not much will change till I quit working at home all together, get rid of all of my business things, buy that patio home BB wants, and sit with her most of the day, being attentive, rubbing her feet and treating the pets almost like children.
