Just neede to journal, as bad thoughts are flooding my heart. and pms.We went to our video club last night, had a good time as usual with our friends.H just left after doing laundry and watching football. I am crying my eys out, partly I am sad when he leaves the other is we did not have much to say, talked about church, football, that stuff. I asked him to scratch my back *he did do it under my shirt as last few months it was on the outside). Anyway after he left my mind starts to think that it will never be any different.I was not tense, I don't know if he felt that. I know it's on;y been two weeks that he is gone, but I want him to grab me and tell me that it might all work out in time. I hate when I start to doubt things, but the emotions take over. What if I am fooling myself into thinking he might want it to work, that his feelings might come back. He stopped by yesterday to get a tool to fix his Mothers garage door and did ask if I wanted to ride over with him, she and I were talking inside, and she said she had gotten an ad for special sale at furniture store and had asked him if he needed anything and wanted it, but she said he said he did not want to buy too much because he might not be there very long. Why won't he just let me know something one way or another. I guess these are the little steps that I am missing through my negative thoughts. I do well when he is not here, but when he comes and then leaves, I hurt for everything to be fixed.
I know I rambled, and bawled as I did, now I feel better, and am getting a grip on these crazy emotions/hormones! Thanks Sue
