I'm OK with that part or sometimes, but not most of the time.
Why?
I was mostly encouraging Lil to ask for something minor, saying it is difficult for me to ask but also saying the physical touch sometimes gets a person in the right mind to sak for more. something like Lil's step one and step two proceass but with less dramatic topics.
To me this sounds like you are putting all the responsibility on her, trying to get her to ask so you won’t have to. She might see that as you putting her on the spot to be vulnerable instead of you being vulnerable. In that way I can see why she might think you ask too much.
That is because what I want is in conflict with what BB wants or believes she has to offer.
That sounds like a deflection. I don’t see how BB’s wants or beliefs of what she can offer should have any bearing on your self esteem. I can understand how it might affect your sense of bonding or happiness, but again, from her perspective, I can see her feeling like she has to take the lead to make you feel good, which for her may be more than she can handle.
Pushing too hard according to BB is abuse.
But do you really think you are being abusive? If BB doesn’t like it, I suspect she will label it anything she can in order to get back to her comfort zone. If her labels are untrue, do not accept them. Your perspective is just as valid as hers. Don’t get caught up in her silly argument that if she feels abused, then she is abused and there is nothing you can say about it.
Cobra, there isn't so she wont have to. I don't bend over backwards that far. According to BB, she is changing/improving more than I am.
And according to you she is not. So what is she going to do about it to satisfy you?
I am doing things the audio CD's suggest.
Not much confronting actions in the CD suggestions, just move to another behavior when one doesn't work.
OK, I understand this is your way. I really don’t mean to have a quarrel with you over that. If there are more behaviors you can try that might yield results, then try them. I just think you allow too many loopholes for BB to escape and I don’t think you will ever find a method that she will like and voluntarily undertake. I don’t think change is her goal.
