Re cobra
If you want her to change, then you are going to have to accept the idea that she will be upset for a while. I'm OK with that part or sometimes, but not most of the time.
I keep seeing thoughts where you seem to have a major issue with being blamed. You seem to avoid it like the plague and I think that is part of why you had this discussion with yourself over how much to ask or push. I was mostly encouraging Lil to ask for something minor, saying it is difficult for me to ask but also saying the physical touch sometimes gets a person in the right mind to sak for more. something like Lil's step one and step two proceass but with less dramatic topics.
You still set your sense of self based on what BB wants, not what you want. That is because what I want is in conflict with what BB wants or believes she has to offer.
... you accept her argument that you are being selfish. But that is just her talking to stay in her comfort zone. OK.
If you ask for something that is truly a part of you, a part of your morals or values, then is there such a thing as pushing too hard? Pushing too hard according to BB is abuse.
Why are her values and morals worth more than yours? They aren't worth more.
Why are you willing to tolerate discomfort so she won’t have to? Cobra, there isn't so she wont have to. I don't bend over backwards that far. According to BB, she is changing/improving more than I am.
I have been listening to the MWD "Keep Love Alive" KLA cd's and some other Schnarch MP3 files on my iPod like music device, mostly for things I need to brush up on. Its mostly positive reinforcement ideas. I am doing things the audio CD's suggest.
Not much confronting actions in the CD suggestions, just move to another behavior when one doesn't work.
