blackfoot, I agree conflict is part of relationships and leads to resolutions most of the time. What tires me out is BB's pinkness and her agreeing to a large concept but making the steps toward that goal are so limited/narrow in how they are accomplished.
Right now I feel like $500,000 limit insurance policy that has had $450,000 in claims and I don't see the patient/R having gotten that much better, or can live with out a large monthly drug bill.
Quote: Cobra has drama/passion in his R, and sex also
I can have the drama, I don't know about the passion from BB POV.. I truly think that part is severely broken. I don't think BB could ever get that back short of a near death or me leaving experience. Either one could also backfire big time.
I can have the sex if it is hurry up, don't go in all the way, don't fall asleep and snore afterwords. Don't let my CPAP make any whooshing sounds, Don't have any strangers faxing me something unsolicited in the middle of the night.
Quote: There are other R's here on the forum, with close to zero manifested conflict, and lots of couselorize type communication
I get your point. I do hold back, don't say everything for fear of causing damage. I do the polite with-holding so BB doesn't turn it around or into something I never intended it to be.
An example is I asked BB, "Last night when I went to bed w/o saying good-night, did it bother her?" I said she has done this many times in the last 20 years. She turned it around and asked "So now I (BB) have to get permission to go to bed? I said no, permission never entered my mind.
Tonight BB asked if she could go to bed (the female testing thing) and I went through the reason I brought up the subject yesterday. It didn't have anything to do with permission. I don't know where that came from. <head shake> and Pulling out hair
Quote: If you want to kill desire in someone, talk to them like you are their counselor or therapist.
I know the parent/child situations don't work. I am not trying to be her therapist but I am willing to help her. The help I offer gets twisted around sometimes and I wonder why I offer.
Quote: Its also a great way of hiding and not exposing yourself emotionally to the other person.
Well I am hiding, have my shields up for the flack that sometimes comes. I can see where a more secure person would not take the misinterpretations and sarcastic remarks w/o needing a shield to jump behind. But I won't be dumped on unnecessarily w/o some place to dodge the random flack or compulsive avoidance's BB plays out.
In general, tonight was a little better than yesterday and this afternoon. I still deal with Stage 4 of The Marriage Map I don't know if I can accept "that is the way my partner is."
