Quote: With all due respect, I don't think this even comes close.
Maybe not close in a woman's mind as far as self value goes. I was comparing the physical similarities men and women might have. that was the closest think that came to my mind.
Quote: NO ONE likes a soft dick when a hard dick is needed.
I agree 100%.
I am mostly comparing or stating medical problems some men and/or some women have. Sometimes younger people don't consider or think about what some older couples have to work around, what they have to work with, or what doesnt work properly in addition to the mental/spiritual part of the R that is off center.
The medical component of ED is miniscule (excuse the expression). The psychological, emotional, identity, even spiritual component is immeasurable (again, excuse the expression). I believe there is no physical issue for women that compares with the ED issue for mem with the possible exception of a woman who is infertile, or who cannot breastfeed. But these are limited situations. The ED issue is something a man confronts every day, maybe many times a day. If the average man thinks about sex dozens of times a day, then the average man with ED thinks about sex just as many times followed immediately by a kick in the you-know-what that wounds and damages more than anything a woman can possibly understand.
So, according to BB, why don't men understand women's sexual problems. No reply required. If there were an answer that fit BB's position/situation, maybe I would understand and maybe we/she would just have the same problems. Lets just say my hole is getting deeper and I don't see much changing so I better quit digging for answers.
a few posts ago I said the Thanksgiving situation was resolved, well it is resolved on the surface but not resolved in BB's mind. She is going for appearance's sake, but resents me getting involved to clarify the invitation.
a few posts ago I said the Thanksgiving situation was resolved, well it is resolved on the surface but not resolved in BB's mind. She is going for appearance's sake, but resents me getting involved to clarify the invitation.
Why don’t you take this as an opportunity to really dig into why BB is upset over this matter? As I have discussed on this board, she must be reacting to a feeling of exclusion, low esteem, abandonment, whatever. If you could open this matter up enough that the both of you can see the core issues that are making her feel as she does, then you might have a model for addressing other issues and moving the marriage forward.
But when you just let it lie because you don’t want to upset her, don’t want to listen to her excuses, don’t want to keep pushing to avoid her deflections, don’t want to face her continued rejections, then I don’t see how you will ever become happy, and her too. This is the “push” I am talking about. You will certainly be able to do it in a more civil manner than my wife and I, just don’t give up at the first obstacle.
This particular issues almost seems like a “gimme.” Her excuses are so hollow and groundless, her real fears are so apparent, I would think this is a great opportunity to put the knowledge to work that you have gained. Otherwise, just what is the point?
Why don’t you take this as an opportunity to really dig into why BB is upset over this matter? I have dug deeper. BB's response is if people don't do something according to her version of "right/proper" they are not serious, so why go where you are only slightly wanted. BB's bell was chiming, Not good enough. the host's effort and BB's value as a guest. BB also said she didn't want to cut in on the in-laws family time.
If you could open this matter up enough that the both of you can see the core issues that are making her feel as she does, then you might have a model for addressing other issues and moving the marriage forward. cobra, If I wanted to have as much drama as you had in your M, I see your point. As far as core issues, BB's core issue is I don't support her like a H should. I don't support her because she has a very limiter range of what is right or wrong.
To BB the Host didn't call our house for the thanksgiving dinner invitation. Other methods or go-between's don't count. I asked the go between, "was the host serious" so [Now] I an the bag guy?
I think someone else could help BB through her issues but not me, not another male unless he had lots and lots of power. BB is attracted to power, charm, and charisma. I am direct and an open book, no magic here. Just what you see is what you get (WYSIWUG)
Maybe another female, but she would have to be very independent as BB dislikes dependent women even if being dependent makes the OW's life easier, and/or more enjoyable. Someone like Judge Judy might convince BB to do something. I say Judy is a good actor because her program is popular, but not real life. Judy's program is ripe with black or white decisions and opinions. No room for gray areas. Well, it is TV with ratings to be sought after, not how relationships go in everyday living.
don’t want to face her continued rejections That is it cobra. I am tired of being the the person that offered solutions and is held responsible if some of the solutions don't work IRL or in BB's mind.
You will certainly be able to do it in a more civil manner than my wife and I, just don’t give up at the first obstacle. I agree with you here, BB is easier to work with than your W, it's me who isn't in the position right now to push more. I am worn out right now.
I would think this is a great opportunity to put the knowledge to work that you have gained Logic? Sounds good to me but I don't it working on that way.
right now, we don't talk friendly like.. Most conversations are business like. sometimes I try to open up a topic. I ask a question, BB asks why I want to know or like on the way to church she said that was a dumb question.
I see negativity and conflict being used instead of kindness and attraction being used to maintain some sort of R. Not my style of living.
I am bask in the spare bedroom because BB is a light sleeper. The alternative is me in the master bedroom and her in the spare room but PO'ed part of the day.
Its mentally one of those days for me that thinks of a bumper sticker "Wife for sale take over payments" only mine reads " Wife for sale, comes with most of her's and my money"
Like i said before, I vent here and don't say things that will leave me with too much of my foot in my mouth at home.
I don't avoid subjects. I don't avoid all conflicts with BB. I don't keep from saying what i want. I do listen to BB and what she wants. I just don't have a way to do more at this time.
I know from past experiences, some of my feelings will change, some of the issues will resolve then self, others will not change. Some might get worse.
Right now I will do what I can, hold up my end of the R the best I can. Stay out of BB crap. Be a H the best considering the circumstances.
I am going to give the church marriage leader counseling program what I can so I am not going to do anything drastic till it's over. Personally I think we need to be in a group counseling setting but I use what is offered.
Thanks cobra, I have to do some thing sane for a while, like work. It is more rewarding than some parts of the R with BB.
I am putting on the H and game face. Thanks for reading.
Quote: But when you just let it lie because you don’t want to upset her, don’t want to listen to her excuses, don’t want to keep pushing to avoid her deflections, don’t want to face her continued rejections, then I don’t see how you will ever become happy, and her too. This is the “push” I am talking about. You will certainly be able to do it in a more civil manner than my wife and I, just don’t give up at the first obstacle.
But there are times where I would love to have a specialist there to stem what damage a layman can unintentionally do.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: A new study looking at treatments for herniated disks found that nonoperative remedies, such as physical therapy and painkillers, are almost as effective as surgery in alleviating pain.
"In back surgery for this particular condition, there's actually a choice," said lead author Dr. James Weinstein of Dartmouth Medical School. "If you don't want the risk of surgery, you can do watchful waiting" and still get well.
Patients were followed for two years after being randomly assigned to surgery or noninvasive treatment, which included education, physical therapy or painkillers. Surgery involved removing part of the bulging disk in a standard operation often done on an outpatient basis.
Patients in both groups had much improved scores on measures of pain, physical function and disability during periodic evaluations; differences between the groups weren't statistically significant.
The study appears in the upcoming issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association.
If I wanted to have as much drama as you had in your M, I see your point.
Drama/fighting/conflict is a necessary component of feeling validated and attached to your spouse. How you handle it shows you are confidant or insecure.
Cobra has drama/passion in his R, and sex also. There are other R's here on the forum, with close to zero manifested conflict, and lots of couselorize type communication. If you want to kill desire in someone, talk to them like you are their counselor or therapist. Its also a great way of hiding and not exposing yourself emotionally to the other person. There is a reason they employ that kind of communication.
