Lil posted on another thread: Yes, you can create conditions, nudge them, set boundaries, but in the end people do what they WANT to... and that may from time to time be the same thing YOU want them to do, but it's not a formula "put in the nickel, pull the handle, get the response you want."
Thanks for both posts Lil.
My individual counseling session topic was "What role do Self-help books play in getting closer to what you want." BTW, it seem foolish to say a "goal" and expect to get there.
The C said, self help books are good for organizing ideas, good for making suggestions, explaining what might be happening, but too many people rely on the formula presented in some books.
It isn't the book's problem but when people read a book and expect if they memorise and correctly use the formula in the book, the reader assumes learning the formula will make his/her situation better.
It's the hope of the individual, that if they can apply the formula/plan/concept, etc, the reader will have a way to solve a problem. In some cases they do but in too many cases the reader's or the SO case doesn't apply or the reader's SO has not acknowledge the same problem as the reader of the self-help book. In many cases, books are written with things that work for one person but won't work with another person or relationship.
The C didn't discouraging reading any self-help books, just brought up why something that sounds like it should work, don't be disappointed if it doesn't work like the book examples. Books have examples that worked for the individuals stories in the book but don't contain all/any examples where the idea/concept didn't work, but logic said it should have worked.
Another point was, its good to read about successes and learn the books concepts but many times even the right methods won't work because either of the individuals might not be in the stage of their life where the examples will take root.
Maybe relationships should be thought of something like a alchemy science experiment. Add or change one element and observe the results. There are not any good or bad outcomes, just outcomes.
