Saw h at church today, friends asked if we wanted to watch a movie at their house,so we are, h brought laundry over and then his mother called him for something, so he left. I just could not let that basket sit there, so I took one load and put it in for him. I know you guys are gonna yell at me for doing that... When he came over he is back to the quiet,depressing person he was when he was at home. Why does he seem so much like himself when we are out around other people??Da, do you think despite that he says it is not me, that he can't stand to be with me alone, it pulls everything out of me, I don't feel like being all jolly when he is like this. Maybe we saw too much of each other this week, and I asked him for dinner with d for b-day, and I asked him for movie, soI guess I answered my own question, wait and see if he asks me for anything. I think he would have said no, if he truely did not want to do those things. Who knows, I won't let his mood wreck my day. Sue
H came and did his laundry yesterday, had to leave for church Christmas rehearsal, then came back to pick it up, as he was leaving I said "your shirts looked pretty good"He smiled and said "oh were you checking them"? I said" well it was hard not doing them after 24yrs"!! I asked him if he had talked to his mother,cause she asked me if I thought he was depressed, I said I don't know, any kind of stress like this could cause someone to be depressed, I don't know if it is the kind of"need medicine depressed". he said he did not think he was, that this week he felt very relaxed, and I said I noticed that he was. I do notice that when he leaves and I say goodbye, he seems so down, so don't know if he really feels bad about going, or if he just doesn't really want to say goodbye, but feels like he has answer me. I just wish I knew what he thinks he wants. I know it is only going on 2 weeks that he is gone...just need to vent Sue
sue,
I see that on stephs thread you are still questioning whether h will think you don't care if you don't call or initiate outings.... I would tend to think as I said before that h knows that you care, you did not ask him to leave he left of his own choosing...calling him and asking him to do things and spend time with you will get you no closer to your goal nor will it get him any closer to the answers he is looking for by not being there... let him go give him his space.. he comes by to do his laundry and that is a good thing... you know he doesn't have to do that there are plenty of laundry mats he could go to or even a friends house he chooses to come to your home and spend that time with you.... let him call the shots (at least for now) you will feel better about the time spent together if it is he who initiates it anyway.
it is a long haul a very long haul... but you sound like a strong woman and you will get through it... don't feel guilty for enjoying the tension free time you now have in your home... appreciate it.. use it to your benifit...grow and find yourself now that the tension is not there...
I see on rachels thread that you are questioning your h's love for you.... does he not have trouble with goodbye when he leaves the home? I do not hear the words from my h either.. do not look at the words look at the actions look at the time he is putting into you and the family... is he kind to you?? is he considerate of you and your feelings?? he loves you, this I can see from the way you talk about him... accept that for now though he loves you he needs this space and time perhaps for him perhaps for you both.. know that he loves you.. he is just searching for something right now and maybe he doesn't even know what that is.
LL
Oh, LL you are a saint in my eyes, I wish your sitch were better right now, you are very strong to endure what you have, and with 2 small kids. I hope and pray that you can find the peace and closure that you need. You pointed so many things out to me about my h, that I seem to be forgetting. He has been very kind, why am I so afraid then that if i leave him alone, he might not ever want to return? That is something I guess I have to search and find the answer to.He is searching, and again my insecurities come out, that I am not going to be the one that he decides to want to spend the rest of his life with. Funny I feel so strong sometimes, but when you get right down to it, I don't know if I will be able to handle the rejection if he chooses to leave for good. Enough negative, the full moon has made everyone crazy today(throw in pms and I start thinking crazy things!!) Thanks for your wisdom Sue
Quote: He so willingly hugs others, and used to me,that I just ache for that..In time..
I understand how you feel sue....once my h left the I got not so much as a peck on the cheek never mind a hug...at our sons b-day pty and then at any other occassion where there was family or even my friends... h would greet them with a hug and kiss on the cheek...it killed me... after our dd's b-day pty my mother, a few of my friends and I were on the deck... h was leaving and hugged and kissed all of them.. I got tapped on the knee and that was the most contact from him in a long long time...
part of why my h didn't want to hug me is that he didn't think i wanted him to... you are right in that it is to soon for you right now but take a look around at some of the "successes" (i'm not there yet but you can look) and see how bad things were at one time...and see that things turn around..
Time and patience, I know I can't expect a miracle in a few weeks. I would assume there has to be a seperation time, before the WAS even begins to decide/know if they want to start working on R again.I have to keep telling myself that this is new and fresh and watch as time goes on if htere are any signs of hope.I guess if no papers are served, and they still come around for whatever reasons, then there must be a chance.Patience...and yes in the meantime we have to take care of US! Good evening Sue
Quoting hoping: I guess if no papers are served, and they still come around for whatever reasons, then there must be a chance.
Why, if it IS over, as they keep telling us it is, do they NOT file for divorce and CONTINUE to seek our company?
Well, some would say that divorce is a process, which takes time. But I believe it is because they would rather the R work out (obviously, no one gets into a relationship with the hopes of one day ending it!) but are unsure of HOW to fix it...so they wait around and WE must begin the healing/fixing! You are actually in a better place than you think!
Quote: but are unsure of HOW to fix it...so they wait around and WE must begin the healing/fixing!
BINGO!!!! they are very unsure of how to fix it as they think they have tried and tried already not realizing those cheeseless tunnels they were running down... we have been given a guide however we came across the db book we have a knowledge that they do not, we read what they will eventually figure out on their own. if we let them.
and yes we MUST begin the healing and fixing of OURSELVES, that is our part what we should have been doing all along in our lives...by beginning to heal and fix ourselves we become better people (or in some cases regain the person we let go in marriage) and better able to participate in a healthy r whether that be with the was or another.
He called me today!!! I was so tempted to call him, have not heard his voice since Sunday. I know, I know that seems like nothing to alot of you, but it is the longest in 24 yrs that I have not heard from him. He was home with migraine and called me at work, asked about d infection in leg, and of course I rambled on and on about things. He never asks me how is work,how was your day, hasn't for years. But he did today,asked "How are you?" I said ok, and I asked him back, he said if he could get rid of headache he would be ok.So it really lifted up my spirits...I almost broke and said I missed him. Would that be wrong right now? Help me out. See ya Sue
First chance I've had to stop by and thank you for your support over on my thread. It is very much appreciated.
... and I must say, I am very much awed by the way you have held yourself together during all you have been through and how well you been maintaining on your PMA.
Tell me ... what have you done special lately to treat yourself? If nothing, then you should think of something to do this weekend. You deserve it!!!
You deserve it!!! 