that aproach doesn't sound all that different from db, being a friend, being respectful....
it will be difficult to be with out h in the home.... I do not know about "helping" him to move and making his get away nice nice for him with pics for the fridge and lamps and what not. is not how i would be but then our sits are different. I let h take care of his own stuff as he was no longer planning to be here for me. LL
I know, LL it does seem strange, but my h has not been mean and hateful, and I am not going to be that way either. I am sitting here with tears streaming down, as he just left with his last bag of stuff, it hurts so bad, his shoes are not by the chair as they have been for 24 yrs, clothes not in the closet.I did not think it would be this hard. It does not help that I told my one sister today, and she told me our other sister, whom I do not get along with, has asked her for some time what is going on, asked her if she wanted to know what bars my h hung at, and with whom.He does not hang at bars, he has gone out and ff has been with him.I was feeling so confident that the ff was just that, but then you have relatives that think something else and I am so angry with her. When I hear things like this, then my mind starts to tell me maybe he is lieing all the way around to me our kids, and I have to get a grip. I need to go out for a walk or something. I feel like screaming.
Hey Sue. I remember the first nights I stayed alone in my new place (dont ask me why I was the one to move out...she wanted out, I should have stayed in the house!) and yes it is hard! Just try not to think about it too much. One thing that helped me out was a good book. NOTHING to do with relationships, marriages, family! I read one called "The Dark Virgin", about the Spanish Conquistadors (is that how you spell that ? ). A Historical Fiction...good read and nothing too heavy. Then I would fall asleep reading and it took my mind off things. Let go of Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy for a while. You pretty much know what's in there. Get a good book (I strongly dicourage anyything on Oprah's list if you are going through a tough time ) and just read yourself to sleep. It worked for me. Although I ruined a couple of pairs of good eye glasses that way!
Did you know crying actually empties the body of toxins? Just dont over do it. Have a good cry, make yourself a hot cup of milk, grab a book and it the sack! Dont look at the pictures on the wall, dont look at where his shoes usually are, just go to bed and remember...although you may not like it right now, you CAN stretch out onto the whole bed. Hey, if it's there, why not!
As far as your sister goes! WHO CARES! I am pretty sure he is not lying! I mean, he would actually have to be one of the best damn actors around to pull that one off! Brush it off, and believe in him, in yourslef!
I envy you! Your husband is NOT saying that it is over for ever! He just needs a bit of space! So enjoy the bed while it lasts, cause chances are it wont! In my case, things are a bit more complicated!
Steph, your kind wors started my day off great, even tho I have tears streaming as I read them(good tears)I am flattered that you envy me, as I have your situation, we all much good, just in different forms and through different eyes.After I posted last night and thought h had left with final box, he came back,ate the mac and cheese I had fixed for myself, watched some tv and played a game of careers with s and me. Then he left, I said you can call or come anytime, he said "I know". I did grab a book and go to bed, it is a big bed, but we have not slept together for 2 yrs. Thanks again, my heart is lighter today. Sue
Am feeling ok, I do miss him though. D is very quiet and I don't know what to say to her. She is so close to him, and I don't want to see her hate him. But I have to realize that she needs time to grieve or be angry and that I can't be the super mom to keep all the pain in my kids life away. Thanks for hugs and word you guys. Sue
How true, Kaw. There are bound to be good days and bad, that's all aprt of normal life. D b-day tomorrow and she is only available tonight, so going to ask h if he wants to get a quick bite to eat with us tonight. I don't know how much contact I should have with him right now. He wants to have space, yet I know him well enough that silence to him means I don't care, don't want him.I'll play it by ear. Today is a new day and the sun is shinning. Sue
Had dinner with d and h, he seemed so relaxed, we talked a little about money, as son is going back to school next semester and needed $400. 00 today for classes. I am going to have to relearn how not to spend money. H talked about having to do laundr on Sunday, and I said that I was worried about his white shirts and how I always did them, and wondered if I should offer to do them, d said "let him do his own laundry" right in front of him too!! He said "I was thinking if you wanted to rent the movie that our movie club was doing this month, that he could come over Sunday and watch it together and do his laundry. Alright!!!!That is a small step, he also called me at work today to talk about our checkbook balance(we kept joint, he has his own)ans he works at the bank, so he can look up balance any time.So he still wants to talk and do things. Sat night my nephew plays in a band at local pub, and h wants to go and ff and her mf might come up too, that should go over with my sisters who might be there, and seem convinced that my h is lieing to me about the ff. I don't even want to spend Christmas with this sister, as she has never liked my h anyway, so I asked h if his Mom would switch things around and we could spend it with his family. He said he would ask her.On the way home our d asked me how long this"thing was going to go on for" I said I don't know, he has a one year lease, but can get out of it, I said he needs to find out for himself what he wants or feels like he is missing.She did say that she wanted us to know that she does not hate us or is not "p***** with us, but I can't expect her to be all happy right now, that we through all this on her when she has tests at school and is working long hours at job. I said I was sorry that it came at this time, and that she needs to tell her DAd this, as he thinks she and her b will both hate him.I said we all need time, and that it sucks, but that we don't always know what life is gong to hand us. Bye Sue
). A Historical Fiction...good read and nothing too heavy. Then I would fall asleep reading and it took my mind off things. Let go of Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy for a while. You pretty much know what's in there. Get a good book (I strongly dicourage anyything on Oprah's list if you are going through a tough time 
) and just read yourself to sleep. It worked for me. Although I ruined a couple of pairs of good eye glasses that way! 
