Quote: I asked him today if he feels in his heart that he wants to work this out, and he did not answer
no answer is better than a negative answer. he needs his space, at least now you are assured that the ff is not ow. let that give you peace knowing at least there is no op as that only complicates things as you can tell with my sit. ff was not just a friend was ow has his heart. i am not in a possitive place right now, so i can't offer much, but wanted to point out to you that nothing is better than something negative. LL
I'm so sorry you have to go through a separation too, but I think of it as a new beginning for me. We were not getting anywhere the was we were. We were spinning our wheels and I was getting sicker by the day with anxiety and worry. Now I feel spme peace. He has left the door open fro us. He says he still wants to talk and go out sometimes. That part reminds me of when we were separated last time, but I know it will be diffferent this time. At least for me. He found out I went out with a high school friend and was not happy about it. I told him he was not my type and we would not be seeing each other again on a opne to one basis which is true. It felt good to have him care. I told him we could start again as friends-he seemed to like that idea. I told him to call me when he wanted to and he said he would be. Our son seems happier too without the tension here. I will be lonely and miss him but I also ffel it is a bew beginning for me. I don't know what the future holds for us-I hope we end up together, but for right now I will take it one day at a time and tha tis waht you need to do also. Give him his time and space. I think they will find out what they really want so much faster that way. If I'm not around he can;t blame his unhappiness on me. He will have to look within himself. I know he is going through MLC and has to find his own way. I will be on the sidelines when and if he wants or needs me but I am not goin gto pursue him or put my life on hold for him. He will have to see that Iam growing as a person which is what he wanted allalong but I was too wrapped up in "us". I hope you use this time for yourself. IT sounds like he is leaving the door open fro the two of you also. Let him do what he needs to do and you do what you need to do for you and things jsut might work out. I wish you the very best and lets keep each other company through this ok? We'll be fine. Rachael
Ll, thanks for the encouragement, I feel bad that you are not where I am, we all have to look at our own lives and find the good that can come out of it all. I have no words of advice for you, but as a db friend I can give you my thoughts and prayers. I am becoming more involved with my church and am finding that prayer does heal.
Rachael, thank you too, you are sounding so strong, even though I know you are hurting. We are able to have the pain and anger, but we can't let it consume us and pull us so far down that we don't think there is any hope. We have this time to grow, let's use it. Sue
LL I am so sorry that you felt that sad, I can only say to you that you have to do what feels right for you.Funny you said you can't offer much to me and I don't know what to say to you.We have to find the place where we feel good about ourselves in spite of what we have to deal with. It's not always easy, but somewhere there is a strength that we have abd don't know it. Take care of you and your kids, they need a healthy mom. Sue
Well, it's confirmed, h called back and took the appartment. I feel ok about it for the most part, but of course sad, yet calm. I am holding onto the fact that he talks as though it might not permanent.I feel like maybe I am in denial, or the little part creeps out that says maybe he is slowly slipping out, making everything loll like it might be ok, then BOOM, when the 6 months of living apart then he can file for D. Oh boy my feelings are all coming out right now.He said we could talk about it more tomorrow as he we won't be home tonight. I said again are you going to tell our kids, he said yes.It makes me mad that he is going to wait till the last minute to tell them. I don't want to get into the mad mode, or we will never get back together, but how do I sort through those feelings right now, so I can see some positive in this move? If I feel anger inside, how am I going to respond to him when we have contact without there being more tension???So many feelings right now. Sue
when my h first moved out (to his parents) I was at first in shock and then denial acutally dbing before I knew what it was, that was when things were at the best during the sep, it was when I started to think it may be permanant and started asking him to come home that i freaked and got all a mess and cried to him and all that, which as you know only serves to push them away, when I finally stopped bothering him, he started to want to come home.
so point I'm trying to make is this, it may take time, he is not saying that it is perminant, give him his space and work on you, get comfortable being you with you so that when he does come home you know who you are and what you want. sometimes in their being gone you realize all the things you complained about really just werent all that important.
take care and know that when you feel alone at night you are not alone there are alot of us here for you!!
LL, thank you for the boost, I really need that right now. I thought I was feeling so strong, then I start to wonder if I can handle eveything that may come my way. I will, I know I will. You have to be able to vent and that is why there are all these friends here to listen. Sue
You know the scary thing that has crossed my mind these past few days? I seem ok about the move, he says things that indicate there might be hope, yet I am starting to question if I still love him, I think I do, but then why am I not falling apart, does he see the strength as "she doesn't seem to care if I leave". I am trying to prepare myself for "what if" he does not ever return. Is that the way to look at things right now, or will that be in the way of me working to save the m? So confusing. Sue
Hi Sue, When you start to get overwhelmed by wondering what is to come, refocus you thinking on today. Ask yourself what can I do to make today better than yesterday and focus on that. Reflect at the end of the day on what you did to make today better. Take it day by day. It is easier to keep a PMA and keep the fears of what is to come at bay during the uncertain times.
I'm probably not telling you anything new and you seem to be keeping well balanced, I hope the little reminder will help you keep that balance.
