Thanks LL,I know it's ok to come here and vent. Yes the football game did help with the ff.
H and I just had a talk, I asked him if he has looked at anymore apt., he said they called him about the one he looked at and he needs to call them MOn. to let them know if he wants it. He is going to take it, he said he feels so good here some of the time, but we don't talk as much during the week and the sleeping seperate thing, that things aren't ok, and he still think he needs his own place to be alone and sort things out.We talked alittle more about his ff, and she thinks it is ironic that I want to get to know her better now that he's thinking of leaving.(I don't get that one), she even asked me to go shopping.They both don't understand why their friendship was ever an issue for anyone. She even mentioned it to her atty, who knows my H, and she said, why would anyone think there was something going on. Well from my view of things that is what I thought.I asked him to try and see what I saw and felt, but he does not seem to be able to.Also, ff is seeing someone else now, does that reaffirm that nothing was going on, I think it helps me.I only hope that it is not too late for me. I sked h about getting sep. chking acct just for me, he said why, he does not write any from our joint act. and he has his own from a few years ago that he got for work. He said he would put all of his paycheck in it except for what he needs for his appartment. I asked if there was a lease to sign and he said that it can be broken, you have to pay till they rent it again. I also told him that we have misc. stuff around to use or did he want to buy all new, he said he did not because what would we do with it "if we are able to work it out between us".

So I am trying to be positive, I can't imagine what the rest of my family and friends are going to think, I have a problem with what people think, and of course rumors that float. I guess he and I are the ones that really know what is happening and to h*** with the rest of them. It's times like this you learn who your true friends are.I asked him again to tell our kids, i don't want him moving out a few days after he tells them. They are 20 and 22, and still at home, so it is not like they don't know something is up, but I still worry about their reaction.
The thing is how do I work on me now?? I know there are issues we need to work on, how do you do it when one is gone? I believe he feels very hurt for my assuming he was having an A, yet I feel hurt for being made to feel like I was second when ff needed him. I asked him today if he feels in his heart that he wants to work this out, and he did not answer. Do I take that as no, but afraid to tell me now or I don't know what I am feeling right now. Why couldn't he just say I don't know???Why why why, I want him to just open up and spill it all out, but I know that is not him.
I feel a peace of some sort, yet scared.
Sue