From my experience, it isn’t fishy. There are those who have different experiences, but the way I see it, if he were having an affair, he’d come up with a more imaginative alibi than passing out drunk at another woman’s house.
I also think that he still is the same person you married. But he’s troubled. It really sounds like MLC to me. But, I also have to say that MLC isn’t a standard mould into which everyone fits perfectly. Infidelity is a common symptom of MLC, but it’s not mandatory.
I really think that my W and I are both going through MLC. She behaves much as your H does. She has a close MF, and initially I was excluded from their “circle.” W even told me that she’s making friends of her own, and I should do the same.
It was hard for me to believe that they weren’t more than friends. Especially considering the exclusive nature of their friendship, and my feelings were hard to control because of a major depression.
They did not have an affair. Not even an EA. Despite my sense of rejection, I never sought solace in someone else.
You’re not crazy for having these doubts or feelings, Sue. What you fear happens. There’s no denying that. But I don’t believe that your fears reflect reality in your case. Your fears are what’s driving you crazy.
And if you let your fears get the better of you, they’ll drive a wedge between you and your H.
Your H’s FF makes him feel good. She makes him feel like a good person because he can help her. He can “be there” for a fellow human being, and they have fun together
From your H’s perspective, you have problems accepting that. So, you make him feel bad about having friends, and about helping people.
He’s also rebelling against society. “Society” dictates that a male-female relationship is always suspect. He’s gonna show the world that this isn’t true.
Yes. He’s gonna show the world, and he’s gonna start with you.
You worry that she’s gonna replace you. That’s not his intent. My take on LL’s story is that her H was doing the same thing, and since he couldn’t convince her, he just gave up and moved out. Once he had moved out, he no longer felt bound to his M. Again, he wouldn’t let society dictate that they couldn’t start a R.
But a relationship based on rebellion is doomed, and now he wants back into a REAL relationship.
I hope you think about this, Sue. Does it sound logical?
If it does, then think about this. If your H is rebelling, then you’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.
