Thanks for dropping by my thread. I had a scan of yours, and I have to say…
Your H = my W.
So let me give you my take on your sit.
Firstly, there is no PA. There is no EA.
I know that personally, I can often relate better to women than men. I also know that my W can relate better to men than women. I think the reason for this is that men just don’t feel comfortable talking about intimate stuff with other men. My W has told me that she relates better to men because women tend to be “catty.”
I guess there’s just something about same-sex relationships that prevents us from being open. This means it’s easier to be close friends with people of the opposite sex.
So right now you’re thinking, “But he has me! He doesn’t need her!” But you have to remember that his friendship with her, and his friendship with you are not mutually exclusive. Both friendships are possible, and can thrive at the same time.
But as long as his friendship with her is a sticking point between you, one of them has to go.
He doesn’t see anything wrong with his friendship. There is nothing you can do to change his mind on this, so it will be a wedge between you and your H as long as you view her as a threat.
But she isn’t a threat, Hoping. Your H is not sneaking around with her. He’s inviting you along to some of the activities he shares with her. That’s good!
So don’t let his friendship with her distract you from your real problems.
The way I see it, your H feels like you’re always looking over his shoulder. He can’t talk to you about his problems, because he feels you’re judging him. And in fact, since his R with you is one of his problems, he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about that. He may even be seeking advice from “her” as to why you feel so “insecure.”
I’ve been all through that, Hoping. It’s a vicious circle. You want to be his best friend, but feel like you’re being displaced by her. He can’t treat you like a best friend because you’re (in his view), trying to interfere with his other friendship(s) and activit(ies).
My best advice to you is to forget about her in terms of being a threat. Don’t even think of her in terms of being in competition for his friendship. You have to concentrate on being the best friend you can be. Once you’ve established yourself as his best friend, then the level of friendship he has with her is totally irrelevant.
You H considers his friendship with her as irrelevant to his R with you. It’s up to you to turn this perception into reality.
