I'm sorry you find yourself here adn I'm sorry you may be hearing what you don't want to hear.
I hate to say i do agree with the previos posters. However, some key questions need to be answered, as the prviosu posters asked... how long were they D before you became serious. The general rule of thumb is to wait 1 year after a D to date and somethign like 3 or 5 years after the D to remarry. This is becuase of the unresolved feelings that still need to be worked through about the failed M.
I, too, was told that my H didn't lvoe me anymore and that he didn't want to stay together just for the kids. I was told my M was in the toilet for years (news to me) adn taht nothing would ever change. I was told our M could never improve. That was in January. In May, H came back and sang a different tune. Now, I am by no means out of the woods with h, but that's another story. My point is, your H may be trying to justify his failed M by saying they stayed together for the kids. How long were they M?
I'm so sorry your'e hearing all this. I understand the pain fo not wantint to lose the love of your life. I am in the same boat. My H is teh love of my life, but the way he's treated me over this past year has been absolutely horrible. I am now faced with the same question as you, which is do I let go of hte love of my life, or live in fear that the A will continue. In your case, the XW will be in the picture forever.
I feel terrible beign so negative about it. But teh fact that it's the xw is a bit of a red flag. That plus the fact that it's only months after the M started.
