You may ask yourself why everyone's jumping to the conclusion that he was still married when you met him. I'm not saying you were the OW - he may well have been separated long before you met him. It's just that the quote from him - about how he never loved his ex and just stayed with her for the kids - is SO,SO, SO very familiar to all of us as a classic line that a guy says when he's trying to justify walking out on a marriage. If they were separated (or even divorced) when you met him, I'm betting they were in the middle of an attempt to reconcile that was derailed when you entered the picture, and that line was his way of justifying it to himself.
Honey, you would not believe how many of us were in loving, wonderful marriages for 10, 15, 20 years - with huge boxes full of endearments from our husbands - only to hear they "never loved us" once they fell for some new broad. It is a classic WAS move to rewrite history that way, that's why we're all reacting so strongly to your story.
And, although I am strongly pro-marriage (my marriage has been reconciled) I make an exception for new marriages, especially ones that even a conservative body like the Catholic church would probably grant an annulment to. There's no way your H entered this marriage with proper intent and fell into an affair with his ex 3 months later.
