Quote: because she knows that he has never loved her and only stayed with her for the kids sake to begin with.
And you swallowed this?????!!!!!!! If H told you this whopper, I am here to tell you right now it is a BIG FAT LIE. If it were true, he would never have slept with her (and not just an "accidental" moment-of-weakness slept with her, but a went to her place, flirted and phone convos slept with her).
If H was not divorced when you met and he told you that, it was simply a justification for him bailing on his marriage. Most of us here have H's who have similarly rewritten history to justify their cheating. I bet if you asked her, his ex-wife could show you a whole box of sentimental cards and letters in which he declared his undying love for her, written during that time he was "just staying with her for the kids sake".
SO - given that your H was a willing participant in this affair, only MONTHS after your marriage when he should have been still completely besotted with you, has lied to you about the state of his former relationship, has an ex-wife who wants him back and has kids with that ex-wife - my instincts say RUN.
What happens if you stay? The possibilities are: - H continues to be ambivalent about his ex, which will be torture for you as they have to continue contact because of the kids.
- H will resolve his feelings for his ex, which will probably leave you dealing with a bitter and vengeful ex-w for the duration of your marriage, and meanwhile you still have a husband who is capable of premeditated cheating and may well do it again with another woman when he's depressed, or has a midlife crisis, or you gain weight, or whatever. (I say premeditated cheating because it would be different if he was drunk at a party, made a mistake, immediately regretted it and cut off all unnecessary contact with her. That's NOT what happened with your H.)
I'm normally very pro-marriage, but in a case like this, your H is showing you very early that he has character issues and also has unresolved issues with his ex-wife and the mother of his children. I think he's a very poor risk for the future, and indeed, if he still has enough feelings for his ex to have this affair, it might be best for the children if they reconciled.
Whatever you do, do NOT make babies with this man, okay? He's a bad choice for the future father of your children, and the pain he might cause them when he has another affair when his midlife crisis hits is unimaginable. If you doubt me, read some of the threads on the MLC forum, and ask yourself if that's the future you want for your future children?
Could his ex-w just be vengeful? Sure, it's a possibility - she might not be the nicest person. But neither is he, now, is he?
