My husband cheated

[NikB]

Hi Heartbroken,

First of all, I am so sorry you’re here. I am pretty new to all this myself and boy can I relate to that sense of being overwhelmed. All the questions you’re asking yourself have been going through my head, too. It sounds like he cheated with his ex-wife, right? How long were they married and how long have they been divorced? No need to answer here, just giving you something to think about. I’m just wondering if it was recent enough that they’re not fully over each other maybe. Not that it makes it any easier.

I strongly recommend that you get Divorce Remedy and read through it. It won’t answer the hard questions for you but it will give you a lot more perspective. Yes, it is possible to work through this and one of the most important things to hold on to is hope. One thing you’ll learn is to “get a life” – basically to work on yourself so that you are happy and doing things that you enjoy. Once you’re more confident in yourself it gets easier to work through the hard stuff. And it also helps that it makes the guys wonder…”Hey what’s she up to, what am I missing out on?” when you do your own thing more.

Once you’re done with that one, you may want to also check out a book called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.” I haven’t read this one personally but it gets a lot of good reviews and may help you. Here’s a link to it on Amazon so you can see the reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Too-Good-Leave-Stay-Relationship/dp/0452275350.

I’d also try and think about what may have lead up to the affair. If you’re having a relationship discussion already and your H is open to it maybe ask him what he thinks – but don’t be the one to start the conversation or pressure him too much on it. The things to ask or think about are is there anything he was missing? Was he reminiscing about anything, talking about missing old friends or family? Were things pretty good between the two of you, or had anything changed recently? I’m not for a moment blaming you, just saying that in my marriage, in retrospect I see signs of things going wrong that I didn’t see at the time.

And the most difficult but important thing - make sure you take time for yourself every day. Just to do SOMETHING, anything that you enjoy and that does not revolve around your H or the relationship. This is so much easier said than done but I’ve found if I can set aside even 15 minutes to do something fun, active, silly, mindless, whatever, I feel so much better.

I hope some of this helps.